First let me say my faith has gotten me through, time and time again. At my hardest times my faith in God gave me something to believe in, something other than myself. It was good to give my hard times to God so I didn’t have to shoulder them alone.
I know… I know, you’re all probably thinking Alex come on, we all know you curse like a sailor. This is true. I’ve been known to drink too much (I don’t drink any more) curse, tell someone off in a hurry as well as go toe to toe on occasion.
I’m not trying to paint some picture making myself out to be some holy roller. Because I’m not. I’m full of piss and vinegar and don’t pretend otherwise. I’m human after all. But I do have faith. I have a strong faith because of my step mother (she introduced me to religion at an early age). She (my mom) is the most Christian woman I have ever known. She talks the talk and walks the walk. I can’t thank her enough for instilling this in me. Any time I’m having a hard time, I give her a call. It’s like going to church via the telephone.
My religious back ground has given me the foundation that has gotten me through all of the trials I’ve had to go through in life. Although in my teen years you never would have known I knew anything about religion, I was a live wire and a handful for sure.
I remember when I first started going back to church here in Florida. I went with my Sissy. Little did I know I’d need that religion in months to come.
I started getting really sick. It all started with a tetanus shot ( yep a tetanus shot) I had to get because I cut myself on my fence at the house. I’ve heard others blame tetanus for their MS as well. In my very uneducated opinion I think MS lies dormant in our system and is brought to the surface with different things. In my case it was tetanus. No I’m not saying don’t get a tetanus shot if you need one.
I went to my GP got my shot and not 3 days later I had flu like symptoms. Went to the hospital where they diagnosed me with some type of viral bug. Then the storm came, Hurricane Ivan in all his glory. At that point I was so sick I was almost bedridden. I stayed sick for about a week after, but slowly got better. Then came the numbness that started in my right hand ( still numb to this day) and kept spreading throughout my body. At first I just thought maybe a pinched nerve in my arm from my very heavy purse. Long story short this continued to spread. I developed a rash on the base of my scalp and my balance was off. My GP sent me to a neurologist That neurologist said I had a basal migraine. I knew did not have a migraine. I’ve had them in the past and knew this was NOT the case.
After a couple of months dealing with that jack wagon. I decided to get a second opinion. At this point my whole right side was dead and I was pretty much dragging my right foot and my toes had curled upward. The new neuro did a quick neurological exam, looked at my toes and said I’m not 100% sure until I do some tests but it looks like you may have Multiple Sclerosis. I’m thinking WTH? All I could think of was Jerry’s kids as I had no idea what MS was. I had the necessary spinal tap and MRI both test confirmed his suspicion of MS. I was floored! I told my girlfriend Patti of this (her hubby was a Radiologist). Butch was kind enough to look at my films and confirmed the diagnosis. That really meant a lot to me. They’re really good people.
So it went on and on, the one thing that got me through was my faith. Faith, Bob ( he was my rock)and my family. My sissy came over every day to help me around the house and pick up the boys from school. She damn sure looked out when I needed her.
I kept going to church and when things got too difficult I prayed and then I prayed some more. Getting back to church at that precise moment saved me from absolute despair.
That same faith got me through the passing of Bob. His passing broke my heart but I got through it.
Now I’ll talk about feelings of self worth. From what I’ve heard it’s hard for some to have self worth when dealing with a chronic illness. My self worth comes from in part my religion. I know if there wasn’t a reason for me to be here, I wouldn’t be. I still have work to do. Not sure if it’s for my kids or my hubby or for whoever is reading my silly blog. But I do know there’s a reason, and I do have purpose. When my job is done, I’ll be gone. That alone gives me a reason to have a ton of self worth and brings me great comfort.
I remember when my husband Bob was sick with cancer he would tell me over and over. I just have to get these boys grown. When he passed I knew (even though I was heart broken and shaken to my core) that his job raising the boys was done. He was a wonderful father, raised his three kids and then my two. He did a wonderful job and I’m forever grateful.
So yes we have tremendous suffering with this disease, but there is a reason we’re here. We have purpose, maybe just to show someone else how lucky they are not to be sick. You still have purpose and should always have self worth. We bring something to the table. Don’t ever let anyone make you believe otherwise.
No I’m not telling anyone that this is what they HAVE to do. I’m just talking about my personal path in dealing with a chronic illness. I know it can be quite a blow when we can’t work or do the things we’ve always been able to do. I don’t judge, and I don’t shove my religion down anyone else’s throat. I just want people to understand what’s brought me to have the attitude I have. Time and time again I see my fellow MSer’s questioning their self worth and my heart goes out to them.
With all that being said I’ll let you all in on the real scoop. I’m doing my blog from bed today because I feel like dog doo. But that’s ok. I have faith that tomorrow is another day and filled with endless possibilities.
This blog entry is dedicated to my Mom Libe. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be who I am. Thanks for reading and Happy Wednesday folks.
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