Snarky and sassy is how I started my morning. My boy jake. Sends me this txt sometime last night. This is what I woke up to.
Jake the optimist (God love him) sends this to me. I’m not quite sure if he was saying he was going to do this or he was suggesting I do it. Either way it made me think.
I used to be somewhat athletic, playing golf and I worked out every single day. I still work out on occasion, but only when I’m having a good day. This is a rarity for me these days, but I do it when I can.
I’ve lost a lot of muscle mass with this last flare.
Being unable to do more than shuffle to the bathroom from my bedroom and the occasional trip to the store has led me lose considerable muscle. I have played golf a couple of times using my club as a cane. Definitely not the same golfer I was. In my head I was a super star and heading toward the nationals. Yes I’m kidding. This last flare was the asskickingest flare I’ve had over the years.
I am still hopeful that I can rehab somewhat and get back some strength and stamina.
Back to my original thought, it seems as though most days I spend resting. But does my sweet boy (the optimist) think I may be able to get healthy enough to do a biking event for MS? God I hope he doesn’t, id hate to let him down. Although I feel passionate about MS and raising awareness, in my heart of hearts I know I won’t be rehabbed enough to conquer this bike ride.
It is important to keep positive for family and friends, (after all who wants to be around a Debbie downer?) sometimes it can feel like being positive can create pressure to be “normal”.
How do I handle times like these you ask? I’m a smart ass. I go into true Alex form. After all sass like MS is the gift that keeps giving and by golly I’m going to give it. I have a dry, snarky, sassy sense of humor. Anyone that knows me has come to expect as much, so I will not disappoint. Some people love it and some people hate it. The ones that don’t can kiss my mean ass.
The pressure lies with being positive and not wanting to disappoint. It can become a bit much.
For instance I went with my hubby to play golf yesterday after my friends funeral. I was hell bent on making the most of the pretty day. After all we have to be grateful for every day we have. Mind you I wasn’t playing, just riding. As we rode around and Lance played (doing really well I might add) my body started hurting. Remember earlier I went to my buds funeral? I hadn’t taken my medication which in turn leads to a shit load of pain. I didn’t want to sit at the funeral stoned on meds. I didn’t think that would be very respectful. So even just sitting and riding wound up being too much. Around the 15th hole I had my fill and put in to go home. I felt bad, but in reality I started hurting at the 11th hole, so I feel I held out like a champ. Lance begrudgingly agreed, he was having a stellar game I’ll say in his defense. I felt bad, but it was too much. Although it doesn’t seem like a big deal, I was left feeling like I let him down. The pressure I place on myself is far greater than any pressure anyone could put upon me. When my boy sent me that txt it made me think. For a second I though I should really try to do this. After all this would be something the old Al might do. This was something that was in the realm of possibilities not so long ago. These days not so much. We sickly folk get guilty from not being able to perform as we once had. It feels like we’re not meeting expectations. Mind you no-one is putting these pressures on me, but me. We can in fact can be our own worst enemy at times.
The new norm is an ass. I don’t like it one bit. But with that being said I’m hell bent on making it more bearable. I do plan on rehabbing as best I can. Do I think I’ll be doing a bike ride? Probably not. But once spring starts and it warms up outside I won’t have as much pain and I’ll get back to moving about more. I always say positive things happen to positive people and I’m positive I’m still a badass. 😉
My point to all of that rambling mess I just wrote was don’t beat yourself up, do the best you can. Folks will understand, but keep it positive and if you can’t be positive at least keep it sassy and snarky. If anything you’ll get a chuckle out of people. Have a great day folks! Put some sass in your coffee and make it an extra snarky Wednesday.