I start with the title above because I posted this on my FB.
Hubby gave me the best compliment ever! Me: how do you put up with my hateful ass?
Lance: you keep me very well fed, always make me laugh and I love you.
If I do anything, I want to always make him laugh and keep his belly full❤️
I don’t want to make like everything was always this way. It wasn’t. If I do anything I’m going to give the full scoop. My sweetie and I wasn’t always these people. We was for quite a while the very opposite of these people. We drank too much and didn’t appreciate each other at all. When we decided to get married I think maybe it was because we both had been lonely. He was newly divorced and in my case Bob had died several years prior. I was very lonely, don’t get me wrong I dated a lot and had a big time being single. But with all the dating and partying it was still a lonely life. The kids had their lives and I had mine.
Lance and I jelled right away, having a blast and partying way too much.We enjoyed each others company immensely. It made sense to both of us to marry. I admit being sick with MS made me feel less than. I knew I brought something to the table and know I’m a good woman but with Ms lingering in the background it leaves a foreboding feeling. Even though he was a great guy and was pledging his love daily I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. I was afraid he’d see me get really sick and leave. This left me anxious and always thinking something was going to go wrong in our relationship, or he’d leave when shit got real.
He didn’t know that when I go to the dr. I expect him to at least offer to come with, because it lets me know he cares. Just an FYI, this is important when you have a spouse with a chronic illness. It lets them know that you WANT to be involved in their care. We want our spouse to be curious, do research and take a vested interest in our care. After all we may depend on that in years to come I also admit I held him to unreal expectations.
Bob and I had a really good marriage. I was spoiled rotten. I still am but it took time for Lance to know the little things that I love. In his defense I hadn’t really given him a chance to know the real Alex because I wasn’t really past grieving the loss of Bob and was afraid to really let my guard down. I tell anyone that suffers a loss of that magnitude to get grief counseling. I wound up eventually getting grief counseling and getting through it. But not before Lance and I came really close to divorce.
We literally went toe to toe on several occasions. Neither of us was in the right on any of those occasions. Everyone that knows me knows I have a hot temper and don’t mind scrapping. Am I proud of that? No not at all. I am embarrassed for my past behavior, and he is of his. We both was terrible to each other. I was shitty to him and he was shitty to me.
Trust me neither of us was a victim. In his defense he never had a good marriage and wasn’t familiar with a true partnership. Where as I was and wasn’t willing to settle for anything less. We split for a couple of months and we both realized how much we truly loved each other. It was work getting passed all the hurt we both caused each other. It was work but it was worth it. Marriage in general is work, even when both parties are healthy, much less one being sick. We worked hard to get where we are and I’m glad we made the effort. With all that I’m going to say we’re far from the perfect couple and I’m sure we’ll have arguments in the future. But we will NEVER be the people we had been in the past. So I leave this entry with be kind to each other. Talk to each other. And always be silly and make your partner laugh. They will appreciate it.