Cognitive issues and frustration

Well today started out ok, nothing to write home about but ok still and all. Lance was feeling a bit better and able to go to work. He did wind up feeling rough mid-day but he’s still trying to get over the funk. I woke feeling puny at best, just kind of draggy. Went back to sleep for a bit and had a terrible dream.

In my dream I drove to my dr’s office and got lost. In this dream I was so lost I had no clue as to where I was, but managed to get to the dr. I remember telling a nurse at the dr’s office that my MS was out of control and I couldn’t remember how to get home and couldn’t get a hold of my family to come get me.

I’m guessing this is a fear of mine that is presenting in my dreams. This feeling sucks donkey balls. Waking after a dream like this left me with a feeling of dread. To think I can possibly lose my faculties to this degree scares me to death. I’ve always been a sharp cookie and would like to somewhat stay that way.

So I wake and call my neuro’s office. There’s been some confusion about when I will be going in for my first dose of Gilenya. I was scheduled for Tuesday. Last week I had been talking to Katie, who was assisting me in the process of getting my newest treatment started. Since last Thursday I hadn’t been able to get a hold of her. I was told she was out sick with the flu. While she was out I had talked to Beth two times and left messages for Katie.

Today when I called I asked for Katie and was told she was still out sick. I was a bit concerned about going for the treatment tomorrow without knowing if everything was set. I laid it all out there for the lady on the phone. It turned out to be Beth and she recognized my voice and knew exactly what my concerns had been regarding.

Turns out I still had to have blood work done prior to taking the meds. Beth said not to worry because she would have the orders ready and I can pick them up whenever. It was great that she was on top of her game. I appreciated her efforts greatly but now my hubby took off tomorrow and will now probably have to take off another day. I told Lance I could get one of my boys to take me but he won’t hear of it. He wants to go and that’s that.

I do have to say I was impressed with Beth remembering my voice on the phone and remembering my situation with Katie. I even made sure to compliment her on her fantastic memory. I WAS that girl. The girl that could remember a voice or an instance and usually went above and beyond much like Beth. To be honest I miss that part of me but it was nice to deal with someone of that level. It takes a smart person to have that kind of memory. It’s admirable. Back when, I had a somewhat photographic memory. I could think of something I’d read and remember looking at the page and seeing the information and use it for whatever purpose. Good times I tell ya.

Although I know that now that I can’t do these little tricks with memory it doesn’t make me less than or any less intelligent. I’m still the sharp gal I’ve always been I just have to maneuver differently. With notes and alarms etc. it’s different to say the least.

I went to the dr, drove myself by the way and did NOT get lost. While there the nurse asked if I had been for the eye test they require when starting Gilenya. I excitedly answered YES I went for that! Almost like a little girl who knew the correct answer. She then asked what day. When she asked me I thought and thought and for the life of me I couldn’t remember what day it was that I had it done. As I was thinking I started getting frustrated with myself, I could feel myself tearing up a bit. Not out of sadness but out of pure frustration. She could tell I was addled and said “don’t worry I’ll call the dr and see about the results.”

I don’t get overly emotional about things but every now and again the reality of things takes me down a notch, reminding me I’m not in control of certain things. Needless to say it’s humbling when I have moments where I’m not the HBIC where my MS is concerned.

So with this little issue of not being able to get my treatment on the scheduled day I’m going to give it to God and let it happen when it’s supposed to happen.

I do have to brag I drove to the dr for the orders and drove to get the blood work done. I was proud of my little outing. Got there and back without incident and the legs did pretty damn good today:)

As far as the ladies in the dr’s office and that little mishap, I just let it drift. I could have shown my ass on the phone with Beth but it wasn’t her fault and it wasn’t Katie’s fault for getting sick. I could tell Beth was very appreciative of my understanding. It is Monday and who wants to start the work week with an irate patient? I’ve dealt with assholes like that in the past and it’s not fun. A little kindness goes a long way. Hopefully by the end of the week I can get my treatment started and hopefully get decent results.

Author: mswithmsalex

A funny gals take on the ups and downs of dealing with MS. The stuff people don't like to talk about. The hilarious situations I've found myself in. I hope this brings laughter to a disease that isn't very humorous

4 thoughts on “Cognitive issues and frustration”

  1. One of the things I do to stay mentally sharp is to play games like Scrabble or Mahjong. One, I enjoy them, two, I’m pretty good at both, and three, when I start sucking at them it might tell me there is something to worry about. Of course, it may all be moot because I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night, but that could just be a guy thing

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sounds like a good system you have in place. One of he reasons I started blogging was to keep my cognitive sharp. I may start playing mahjong as well. I used to play during down time at work in between emergency calls. It was would de-stress me for a bit during my shifts.

      Liked by 2 people

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