The beginning of the week was pretty ok. Pain has been present but not horrible. I’ve been staying busy trying to keep my mind off of the normal daily pain. I worked in the yard. It was great. I was a happy little beotch.
It was the anniversary of Bob (my late husbands) passing. I used to get very down and upset over this anniversary, but now I’ve reached the point I can think back and smile and remember all the fun times we had. He was a great man, wonderful husband and dad to his own as well as my kids.
We (my children and I) learned a lot from him. He was a very wise man. He was 20 yrs my senior and full of wisdom and life lessons that I’ve taken with me. My boys and I are very thankful to have had him in our lives.
So I was chugging along having a good couple of days. The temps are mild and I’ve been able to garden. Life is good by golly. Spring is usually my time to shine. That and fall are my best times. It’s not terribly hot or cold. I can actually move about like a regular gal.
I hadn’t taken baclofen or tramadol in 4 days. I was so happy. I was dealing with the normal pain and feeling ok. Woo mother effin’ hooo!!!! It’s amazing the amount of pain we MSers can get used to. As I’ve said before I hate taking pain meds. It’s never good for the body. If I can go holistic 💯 I definitely will. All the drugs come with side effects as well as damage our already frail ,damaged bodies. So there I was feeling like a G!
Then out of nowhere my right arm locked up. I couldn’t move my arm away from my body. The pain I was having was brutal. It took my breath away many times over the past day and a half. I was at the point of going to the hospital for morphine. In the past when I’ve gotten locked up I’ve went to the hospital and that’s how they would treat it.
It was spasms that would NOT release. I could barely breath through the pain. I laid in bed yesterday overwhelmed by the pain. I laid there thinking. I can’t do this shit. The pain is going g to drive me absolutely crazy. I kept thinking there’s no way I can get away from this shit!!!
I had plans with David to run errands etc and Jake came over in the morning. He does most morning. I love that. My kids always making sure to check on little momma. Well it turned out I could barely get out of bed. But I did because if I do anything I’m going to at least try to hide some of this shit from my boys.
They think I’m indestructible so I keep on keeping on even in the most horrendous of times. But with things like they was yesterday I had to fess up and cancel with David.
It broke my heart to have had to do that. I NEVER cancel with my boys. The pain was unreal. I couldn’t fake it for even a minute. But I did get out of bed. So there’s that.
David understood and Jake went across town to get me tiger balm in hopes it would help. David went and got me food and they both made sure to help me through the day.
As I got through the day I got on Facebook and let my buds know I was NOT in a good way. I try not to complain but yesterday and the night before was unbearable. I needed good thoughts and prayer. I had one of my friend remind me to take copaiba oil so I did. I also put my tiger balm on smoked my MMJ and took pain meds. Nothing was touching the pain.
I took all my meds as well as a ton of MMJ. I was thankful to have my MMJ. Everyone should have access to it. No ones ever overdosed on marijuana. Im so tired of hearing the bullshit of “it’s a gateway drug.” I smoked out as a teenager and never took part in harder drugs. If someone is going to dabble in hard drugs or become dependent on drugs it has to do with the individual, not if they smoked pot in the past. I’m here to say I never had an inclination to do anything harder than smoke a little pot. Even that i didn’t do for many years until I got so sick I had to. Remember, I worked in law enforcement for many years and that is a strict NO, NO.
So this was me the night before last.
I’m totally NOT ashamed. I wish all the ignorant people that think marijuana is evil could feel my pain for just one day.
I was suffering something horrible. What do I do when I’m hurting? I call my mom. We prayed together over the phone That always makes me feel better. I always say from Lee’s mouth to Gods ear. My friend Jerry also asked his sweet wife Pam to have her prayer group pray for me. This meant so much to me. The friends and family keeping me in prayer truly touches my heart. Good friends and family are worth their weight in gold!
I talked to several of my Facebook friends that was checking on me. One of those friends is Lesley. She’s a doll. If I could manage travel I would definitely go and see her. She’s a very smart and interesting lady. She has Primary progressive MS. She handles her illness with grace and a bit of a warped sense of humor, much like myself.
When talking to her about pain she said her level on a good day is at a 10 and on a bad day past a 16. At that moment I immediately felt ashamed for bitching and whining. She’s not ambulatory any more and her pain level is worse than mine. Meanwhile mine is at a 6-8 on a good day and at a 13/14 on a bad day and I can still walk.
I’m still able to enjoy some things. I enjoy my gardening and still go and do on occasion. I really have no reason to complain. Things could always be worse.
The thing with MS is you never know if a bad situation will get better. It doesn’t always. Sometimes the rough patch stays and you don’t get back. I admit I was really afraid yesterday was going to be long lasting. I have had times like these that have lasted several weeks at a time. I am so thankful this one is passing.
While there are people that do a lot better than I’m currently doing there are far worse cases than mine. I need to still be thankful and praise God for the good in my life.
I admit as horrible as yesterday and the night before was. I’m thankful for all the peaks and valleys in my life. I don’t feel 100% today but I’m better than yesterday. That valley I was in made me appreciate this somewhat peak of feeling a bit better.
I have to say if MS gave me anything it was a true appreciation of every little thing in my life. My friends, my family my little house and my crazy pups.
My son wound up getting me as well as himself a membership to a gym. I love the fact that my kids are like me. They never lose hope. Even though I could barely move, my boy has enough faith in me to see that I’ll push through and be able to make the most of that membership. I’m hoping to get in that gym and get some muscle back. I’ve lost so much muscle mass this past year it’s ridiculous.
So MS won for a day and a half, but this bitch(me) is far from done. I’m doing better, not great, but better. Tomorrow is another day and I will continue on the upswing. Wish me luck and keep me in prayer. They’re always appreciated❤️