Irrational fear, the unknown and MS

As most of you know I’ve been feeling halfway decent. Still deal with spasms but not near as intense as they have been in the past. I have been working out, eating healthy, gardening and the occasional golf game.

I have been feeling human. Go team Alex!!! This team Alex consists of many different characters. I have my hubby and kids. My bestie Jan and my group Then I have my imaginary cheer squad that cheers me on in my head. Just kidding I’m not completely crazy. I do have to say team Alex gets me through some tough times.

Here lately life’s been pretty damn good as far as pain goes, so I shouldn’t complain or worry.

I have been dealing with urinary issues and have visited my urologist several times over the past couple of weeks. Originally the dr thought I may need an implant to help me empty my bladder. I went for a Urodynamic test. That test showed that my bladder was working. It also showed that I do have to use my stomach muscles to urinate and still do not empty completely. It was also noted that I have a small bladder as well as a small urethra. The game plan is they’re going to stretch/dilate my urethra. The dr said even with an implant it may become ineffective as my MS progressed. I didn’t think having the implant put in and have to have it removed if the time came to where it didn’t work. So that’s the game plan. Stretching my urethra is less invasive. It seems like a no brainer for me to go this route.

Back to my original thought. I should be on top of the world right now. Feeling pretty good. Doing the things I love like working in the yard etc. Instead I’ve had this nagging fear. This fear is sitting in the back of my head. I keep worrying that winter will come and I’ll be bed bound yet again like last winter. Last winter was horribly painful. The cold was deep in my bones and the spasms had been out of control and overwhelming. I remember thinking and saying several times ” I just don’t know how much more of this shit I can stand”. I admit it has been sitting very heavy on my heart and mind, it’s stealing a little of the joy I should be experiencing with the good weather.

I hadn’t spoken to my kids or hubby about it because they’d think me foolish for not just enjoying the moment while it lasts. This is the cold hard facts of MS we never know what tomorrow will bring. It’s legit to be scared of having to relive a bad moment in time when you have a debilitating disease. I did speak to one of my dear friends Melissa about it. I’ve known her since my teen years, we went to school together. She knows me prior to being sick. She also suffers with MS and handles it like a champ. She got it, she understood where I was coming from completely. She told me she too worries at times that she’ll have to relive painful moments given all she’s been through. It was great to get this concern of mine off of my chest. I appreciate her friendship more than she knows.

When asked for advice with an overwhelming issue I always say “give it to God” I think it’s high time I follow my own advice and just give it to God. I need to get this nagging monkey off my back and let God handle it. I need to live in the moment and not fear the future. All I’m doing right now is short changing myself and worrying about what might be. For all I know this coming winter might not be so bad.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommas reading this and wish everyone a happy healthy and safe weekend.

Author: mswithmsalex

A funny gals take on the ups and downs of dealing with MS. The stuff people don't like to talk about. The hilarious situations I've found myself in. I hope this brings laughter to a disease that isn't very humorous

12 thoughts on “Irrational fear, the unknown and MS”

  1. Girl I am always on team Alex and believe in you so much! You are the light that always inspires me when I am down on myself, which here lately has been a little more frequent. Spasms and pain have been guiding my days, which is SO frustrating. I know you understand where I am coming from with this, but yet we still manage to keep moving forward. We are going to kick MS’s rear end and someday, we are going to win!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well that choked me up❤️ You are such a sweetie thank you. Yes I understand how pain can shape our days, it’s a struggle to say the least. We’ll kick this MS beast in the teeth by golly!!! We have to,we don’t have a choice. Keep fighting the fight sweet girl

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I did not mean to get you choked up, but you are pretty darn amazing Alex! It is a true honor to be able to get to know you! It is frustrating how hard we fight with the pain and other fun issues, but we are strong and we will WIN!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. One day at a time Alex. One day at a time. And as far as the urinary stuff is concerned, all I can say is that MS is a truly humbling beast that can make the simplest things that everyone takes for granted so challenging

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I have a urinal in every car I travel in and have a month’s supply of absorbent underwear pads in the closet. Never thought that would ever happen, but it’s still better than self cath-ing

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Self-cathing isn’t so bad. One nurse likened the difficulty level to that of putting in an earring. You can do it! If you’ve got urine stored in your bladder, you’ve got a UTI in the making. We don’t like UTI’s.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am not brave enough to write about my own MS bladder issues on my blog, but I’m working on it. Baby step one: I’ll write about it on YOUR blog. Here’s a fashion tip for those of us with bladder challenges: ditch the pads and wear Icon undies. They are cute, and they can hold a few pee-spoons if necessary.

    Liked by 1 person

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