Conflicted…

I woke this morning with my sweetie tending the pups. As he shuffled them out the door to got them in the yard one of them of course got squirrelly and he had to raise his voice.

Pretty sure it was Daisy acting like the lune tune of the bunch. She is truly the most rambunctious of the group. Lance seems to understand that with her like he does with me. She’s such a hellion that she’s managed to hurt her leg. I’m sure she did this by flinging herself off the top step of the travel trailer. She is always ready to go run, play and raise hell in the yard. Making sure everyone in the area knows Miss Daisy Mae is on the job.

I have to say him taking over morning duty with the dogs is much appreciated. He really is the bee’s knees of hubby’s. I appreciate him more than I can say, but there’s this little nagging part of me that hates that I can’t do with my pups like I once did. To say that life has changed for me would be a HUGE understatement. I have always been the keeper of the dogs. I used to have the energy and patience to train and play. These days I’m too winded to do any real training. I remember back in the day teaching Hamm how to ride a skate board, play dead as well as numerous other tricks. These days I’m doing good if I just open the door to let them go potty.

Another area of my life has me conflicted is dealing with family that doesn’t quite get it at times. I had a conversation with my youngest this morning. 27 year old Jake or Jack as I call him when I’m annoyed with him. He asked what my plans were for the day (as if I do anything besides sit here) I told him I had yet another Dr appointment as well as 2 next week. I went on to say I’m tired of going to all of these Dr appointments for nothing. They can’t really do anything for me, so why am I paying 65.00 each time I fucking go? Dr’s haven’t done anything for me thus far and it’s an epic waste of time and money.

My sweet little Jack responded with “Mom STOP being negative”. My response was “I’m the most positive fucking person I know!!!!” Yeah ….I know not my most shining moment as a parent. But dear God can’t I vent without being called negative?

In my case I really don’t feel the dr’s do anything to help my situation, but I play the game because I don’t want anyone perceiving me not going to the Dr with giving up. I am absolutely NOT that girl! I do not have that mind set to even allow myself to give up.

So I’ll continue going to the Dr and playing the game to appease those around me. I’ll apologize to Jack for my ugliness this morning and I’ll keep on keeping on. I’ll always be the gangster girl my dad and mom raised.

My question to anyone that reads this silly little blog is, why are we perceived as being negative when we’re just being realistic?

A month or so later: doing Mavenclad and doing my thing, positive about this med and still realistic about my disease. Life can be hard more times than not, but it’s still a gift.

God is still good and life is still awesome and I’ll keep being the head girl in charge.

Author: mswithmsalex

A funny gals take on the ups and downs of dealing with MS. The stuff people don't like to talk about. The hilarious situations I've found myself in. I hope this brings laughter to a disease that isn't very humorous

6 thoughts on “Conflicted…”

  1. When I was first diagnosed, a lot of people nagged me about going to a premier MS facility, so I decided to take a trip op Baltimore to see someone at Johns Hopkins. When I arrived, I started by explaining why I was there and asked a bunch of questions, and this doctor said “when has medicine ever solved anything?” or words to that effect. SO you aren’t the only one who feels that way

    Liked by 1 person

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