Black and white challenge.

This is my contribution to the 7 day B&W challenge. This is Vivi Le Croix she’s a jerk as is her owner. While I love blogging I hadn’t felt up to it. I hadn’t been very present in my FB group either. Between having some type of crud and dealing with summer heat I’ve found this summer very draining.

I’ve recently went vegetarian and found that it has done wonders for my digestive system. ie.I’ve been going to the bathroom regularly.

But as you all know with the heat there are issues we MSers suffer with, fatigue as well as vision issues seem to plague me more in the heat. So while I am still the little spitfire I’ve always been, Im a bit out of the loop as far as blogging and social media.

Hope you all can forgive my lack of participation, I’m just pooped out.

My old boy Hamm

Let me tell you about my old boy Hamm. His full and proper name would be Hammbone Jenkins III. No there wasn’t a first or second the boys thought it sounded fancy.

Hamm is one of my senior pups. Mr. Wiggles is my other. Enough about Wiggles. This entry is all about my Hamm.

It was Jakes 13th birthday I believe. Jake put in to go to the shelter “just to look around”. I remember vividly saying “Jake when have we ever went to the shelter just to look around?” He pleaded “please mom pleeeease”. I relented and said “ok we’re just going to look.”

We wound up at the Lynn Haven animal shelter. We walked around the exterior, all of the dogs in the separate kennels barking for attention. It was pretty chilly out because it was February and the previous winter was still in the air.

We went inside to say hi, I had worked for the police department in Lynn Haven and the animal control was a branch of law enforcement for the city. I had several friends there. So I popped in and found a playpen in the office filled with pups. There had to be 10-15 pups.

While Jake oood and ahhhd over the little pups in the playpen I chatted with my friend Cheryl. She said the pups had been dropped off about a week ago In a box without their mother. They had been about a couple of weeks old. We talked about how heartless some people are and both agreed whoever dumped the pups was a piece of shit.

Jake was loving on all the little fur babies and of course put in to get one. I said nope, we agreed we wasn’t going to get one before coming and by golly I’m not leaving with one!!!

We said our goodbyes to Cheryl and loaded up in the suburban. I was firm in my decision NOT to get another pet. We had Max (our pit mix) at home and the year prior lost our Rottie Shelby Woo. She had to be put down and it was very upsetting losing her. Her loss was felt by the whole family. She was an awesome girl. Daisy reminds me of her.

As we was driving out of the sports complex that housed animal control Jake had such a sad look on his face. He asked what’s going to happen to those pups mom? I said they’ll be adopted Jake. He looked so sad. So of course I turned the truck around and went back to the shelter. Jakes little face lit up. I couldn’t have him sad on his bday. I told him ” just let me help you pick one. Some of them didn’t look like they’d fair too well. Jake picked up one that had rottie markings. It was a cutie but looked sickly and lethargic. I picked up one that had spots and was a bit more active. He looked like a tiny cow.

Cheryl let me know real quick we couldn’t formally adopt one but we could foster and if things worked out we could adopt.

In the car Jake reminded me he had plans that night with his best friend Casey for his bday. I was not too happy about having to tend his new pup the first day he got him but of course caved and said ok. I held Hamm all the way home while driving. He was just like a little baby.

We got him home and David, Jake and myself decided on a name. I’m pretty sure David was the one to come up with Hammbone Jenkins III. I loved it. It was the coolest name ever.

Bob came home from work and was none too happy that I got a pup without discussing it with him. But as everyone knows I’ve always been an ask for forgiveness vs. ask for permission kind of gal. Bob was also concerned because Hamm was so tiny. He didn’t think Hamm would live. We wound up getting pup formula for him and I tended him like I birthed him myself. The doting mom kicked in and never left.

I admit Cheryl and myself thought he would be a small breed of dog. He kept growing and growing. He wound up in the 80-90lb range.

It turned out Hamm and I would have an incredible bond. He followed me constantly, never needed a leash. He just knew he had to stay with me. If he walked too fast I’d say slow down Hamm and he would. When I’m feeling poorly he’s right there with me watching me closely. He looks at my face more than any of the dogs ever have.

As you all know I’ve went through some very trying times. Ya know who’s always been there? Old Hammbone Jenkins III that’s who. He’s seen me through the passing of Bob as well as major health issues of my own. I can’t tell you all how many times after Bob passed I’ve sat and cried to old Hamm. I swear he understood. He was my service dog before I ever thought about getting a service dog.

He’s a true G that boy is. He’s my ride or die pup. I love all of my pups. But he’ll always be special to me. He’s seen me through the toughest of times. He’s getting old now and slowing down quite a bit. He’s not as handsome as he once was but then neither am I. You can always count on him being by my side, watching me and making sure I’m ok.

Yeah this is a kind of corny entry but I just have to give my old boy props. I’m sick with an upper respiratory funk and he’s right by my side as he’s always been.

When you’ve had your fill

I had a good fourth. Most of you know I’ve been doing a vegetarian/almost vegan diet for several weeks. I made quinoa and black bean burgers, French fries and homemade coleslaw. It was ok. Not great but still tasty.

It’s been working out pretty good. I’ve been substituting meat with quinoa because it has the 9 essential fatty acids our bodies require every day. We’ve been eating a lot of veggies in different dishes and it’s working out well.

My sweetie likes to say it’s because of my MS. This is not true. Lol

Although it is really good for MS we started doing this particular diet for his arthritis. He had knots forming on his knuckles that became very painful. He was suffering greatly, so I suggested doing this diet for both of us.

I had suggested it in the past but he was very firm in saying he didn’t think he could do it. Kind of humorous to see someone do an about face when they’re the one dealing with intense pain. Not judging my hubby because I get it.

You don’t get it until you get it. Pain will change your way of thinking in a hurry.

So we cut meats and cheeses out of our diet. I like it. I do find I have a bit more energy. Nothing too crazy but any improvement is a welcome change. I still have to sit or lay down frequently but I think it’s helping. So as you all know I’m going to go with the positive at all times, so far this is a good go for me and for him.

So Lance cut the grass and I cooked my fake burgers. After everything was done we attempted to play a little golf. This was NOT my best idea. I have a cold or sinus infection brewing and felt puny to begin with.

Why did I feel the need to play? I didn’t really feel the need, but felt guilty. It’s Lances summer vacay and I know he wants to do more than just sit around the house. I’ll be honest, I’m not really up for more than sitting around the house but I figured we’d play and maybe I’d be ok. Was this ok? No it was not. Besides the normal MS bullshit my nose was running and my throat was sore.

I regret putting myself through that. The heat was intolerable and I was cranky AF. I attempted a couple of holes and failed miserably. It was a waste of time and money. Last I played we had been neck and neck, this time I could barely get around. The heat zapped all my energy and I just couldn’t. I stuck it out so as not to ruin his game.

It was a bit much for me, as we left I told him I am NOT putting myself through that again in the summer months. I had my fill at that point. This is in no way his fault but my own for pushing myself.

I’m sure you all remember I have a hard time listening to my body. This has worked against me time and time again. Needless to say I’m suffering the consequences for my silliness. Lesson learned.😉

Note to self: stop being a punk ass punk and take it easy when need be.

So now I’m showered, resting and going to try and not beat myself up for doing myself in yet again.

On another note, eating a plant based diet has worked In favor with regards to going to the bathroom. Go team Alex!!!! I should also report the squatty potty is a win win. Not a cure all but definitely worth the money spent.

So Happy 4th folks. Hoping you all have a great holiday

Revisiting the poop chronicles

I’ve blogged about this in the past. See those brown eyes? They’re that deep brown because I’m full of shit. I joke about it but pooping is a serious thing. I joke that I’m literally full of shit because I am.

I’ve suffered with major constipation for what seems like forever. I’ve heard tell this is common for us MSers.

For a hot minute things was moving smoothly. I’d say a couple of months give or take. I had started eating Raisin Bran with almond milk nightly and it seemed to be working well. Well that ended as quickly and unexpectedly as it started.

Mind you in the past I had tried everything from green smoothies to power pudding along with a ton of water to try and get things “regular”.

Years ago yogurt kept me semi regular. Not any more. Now it’s rocks in my belly Bullshit that I deal with. Raisin Bran has failed me as well as all the other things I’ve tried. Lance jokes that it’s a demon inside me brewing. This makes me chuckle. He keeps me laughing with all the MS BS I deal with. He loves his shit filled wife. Go figure. That just goes to show you there’s someone for everyone.

As you all know I’ve been working out. The working out is also an attempt to try and keep things in my belly moving in the right direction.

Yesterday I went with David to the gym and told him i wasn’t feeling my best. I told him I was 4 days in. No poopage for momma. He knows of my never ending struggle. He says have you tried a squatty potty? Not sure why he even asked he comes to my house all the time and would have seen it in the bathroom. Maybe he thought mom suddenly got private about such matters. No such luck. I told him no but I have tried using a stool to raise my legs while on the toilet. Sorry if that’s TMI but you all know at this point I have no shame about pooping or anything else having to do with health matters.

We went after our workout and got me a squatty potty. I wasn’t real jazzed about it. It cost 25.00 at Target. This to me seemed a bit pricey for a maybe. David insisted, so I caved and we got it. We walked around Target with my squatty potty, kambucha and work out shirts in my buggy. No shame here. There was a bright white and blue sticker with the words SQATTY POTTY on it. Was I embarrassed? Nope no shame in my pooping game, or at least attempt at a pooping game.

Have I mentioned all the probiotics, kambucha,yogurt and water I ingest? It’s quite a bit in an attempt to keep my gut healthy to be able to SHIT. Have I been able? No I haven’t. Apparently it’s just not in the cards for me to have normal healthy bowel movements.

So I get home with my squatty potty,kambucha etc. I put it in the bathroom drink a bunch of water. Ate some Raisin Bran sat on my toilet (legs raised in the appropriate position) and I wait. Sitting hoping. Pressing on my belly. Nothing. 25$ down the drain.

I wound up taking a laxative along with more water. Nothing. A big fat 0!

So day 5 of the poop hostage situation. I really am not sure who the hostage is, me or the poop. I woke had my coffee yogurt and an apple and headed to the gym. Surely this would be the day. Nope nada, nothing. I’m getting ready to bust. I’m still eating and not evacuating a damn thing. Today I took two laxatives after lunch. I’m determined to get this going. That or it’s going to start running out of my ears. Not pretty, not pretty at all.

Lance and I went for sushi. It was a good time. Finally relaxed on the couch and suddenly felt movement in my tummy. I scooted to the bathroom excited to use my squatty potty. SUCCESS!!!! Two laxatives later, legs in the appropriate position and I got to go. I swear it was like birthing a child less the 18 yrs of parenting. I was that excited!

I know it’s not very glamorous or pretty but this is just one of the many things we deal with. Not that every BM is noteworthy but I figured this one was. So back to the drawing board in hopes to find something besides a laxative to get me going. I’m going to continue with this squatty potty thing and let you all know if it’s worth the 25.00$ spent.

Wish me luck everybody.

Sassy or just short tempered?

Sometimes I just have to wonder. I wonder if it’s me that’s out of step or the rest of society. In all honesty this could be the case. I’ve always been a different bird to which I’m very ok with. I don’t necessarily want to be an average joe. I don’t want to fit my round peg into the square hole. I like being me, silly and squirrelly hot tempered Álex.

I’m fairly certain I’ve been a different bird since birth. When I was a teen I tried to fit in. It seemed like the thing to do, now I look back and see it as time wasted. Now I’m comfortable in my own skin and really LIKe me.

I’ve been called mean. I’ve been called harsh and critical. I’ve also been called crazy AF. I don’t really think I’m mean or crazy AF or harsh and critical. I’d give someone the shirt off of my back. What I don’t do is I don’t suffer fools gladly. That’s just me. I call em as I see em and make no apologies.

Well on with my day. Lance is off for summer and I love it. He’s home with me and we’re picturing what it will be like when he’s retired. Just four short years and we’ll be living the dream. I can’t wait!

I went to the gym with my eldest David and did pretty good. A good MS day. Thank God for that! Seeing my boy always lifts my spirits. He’s the best gym buddy ever. He’s super positive and not overbearing. It was great! The MS God’s were smiling upon me today.

Later in the day I had a gyno appointment. I got there 10 min early, because I’m super conscious of being on time. In my opinion being on time or early is something of yesteryear. People these days feel it’s ok to be 5-10 min late for everything. This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. It’s a total lack of respect to be late to anything.

Why is this a thing of the past? I don’t get it I know I’m different, but when did it become socially acceptable to just not give a shit about other people’s time?

I’m sorry but the traffic was heavy is NOT an excuse to me. I respect everyone’s time and expect the same in return.

So I get to my gyno walk up to the receptionist to check in. I tell the receptionist I was there to see Dr Jones at which time the receptionist tells me she’s running late. She went on to say Dr Jones is just now seeing her 1:40 appointment.

I was floored. It’s was 2:50 how in the hell is she running that behind? I told the receptionist I am absolutely not waiting that long to see her. There was no way in hell I’m going to wait an hour for a pre op appointment. I was very annoyed, how do people stay In business when they’re running their show like that?

Years ago I remember going to the gyno ( same group of gyno different dr) the receptionist told me it was going to be a wait because she was running behind schedule. My response was when you folks get your scheduling together give me a call. Because my time is worth money too.

Needless to say they called and apologized. I understand having a fluke issue and running behind but I’m also aware that dr offices over book patients. I’m not going to play the sit and wait game for anyone.

I left and felt ok about it. I later got a call that they could do the appointment the day of surgery. Interesting to say the least. So why in the hell did I have to go in the first place? The thought that they would have had me wait to see her when they could do the exam the day of surgery really pisses me off.

Absolutely NO respect for their patients time. I would have been sitting there like a fool had I not had the gumption to call their bluff.

I hate I had to show my ass at the gyno but sometimes a little sass is in order. Although I’m not quite sure if it’s sass or just being bitchy. Either way I’m ok with it. 😉

My point to this whole rant was to plead with anyone and everyone to respect other people’s time. It doesn’t matter if you’re a dr, a teacher or flipping burgers a BK please for the love of everything good respect other people’s time!

This is one of the things that has gotten lost in the shuffle. This, a good work ethic as well as plain old respect. I’m sick and I’m tired there’s no good reason to leave someone waiting when they’re already in a struggle.

I’m going to climb off of my soap box now and wish you all a good night and a happy Monday. Sorry if I was a bit long winded with my rant. Pretty sure tomorrow will be even better that today. God willing that is😊

Self pity….A bottomless pit of shit

Yesterday was a really great day. Went to the gym, I kicked ass and took numbers. I finished the day with a trip to the dentist to have a filling replace.

Today wasn’t that great a day. Went to the gym and petered out like a punk. I posted on FB about feeling puny today and ended it with me calling it a win for team Al. I didn’t do much but I went so that is still a win in my book.

I admit I didn’t really feel like I won but I ended my statement on a positive note. I truly believe any day we wake is a gift. Even the not so great days are a blessing.

Wound up going home and getting back in my Jammie’s to rest . It’s ok, we can have those days. I’m not in the least bit looking for pity when I post such things. That’s one of the reasons I always end things on a high note.

The pity party is destructive and damaging to the person as well as those around them. I’ve come to notice some actually feed off of the pity they collect. Not me, I freaken hate it. I always say “don’t feel bad for me I’m doing more than most able bodied people”. I say this because I really am doing better than most. Maybe not physically, but I think my head is in a good place. With the exception of my sometimes dark and twisted sense of humor.

I believe some of my aversion to this way of doing stems from being so prideful. I am a very proud and possibly harsh woman . I was raised to never quit and to push through no matter what. I’ve always been of the thinking that I don’t need anyone because I have my own back. While these days I’m a lot slower and do need the help of family more than I am 💯 percent comfortable with. I begrudgingly accept the help given when needed.

While scrolling through FB I saw several posts in a group that really unnerved me. One woman was complaining about how her grown kids still have their belongings at her house. She posted a pic of clothes etc strewn about her house. Really? She was complaining because it was a huge mess and they won’t help her clean it up.

While reading all I could think was come on lady why would you ask advice about this . Her kids don’t live there and won’t help go through it to sort it out. So she took to FB to complain instead of figuring out a solution to her problem. Granted if she’s bedridden she couldn’t do it herself. What she could do instead of posting about it on FB would be to call around to different organizations to see about assistance with getting rid of the stuff her kids apparently no longer wanted

My opinion was she was wanting everyone to say oh jeez I’m so sorry and bash her kids and ex for not helping. My advice was throw a bag or two away weekly. I also went on to say that she allowed this behavior and what she allows is what will continue.

I don’t think this woman was really wanting advice, but wanting to stir up a pity party.

Why complain about a situation you can change, but choose not to? A HUGE pet peeve of mine is when someone complains but does nothing to improve their situation.

I may be harsh but I don’t sugar coat and do not stroke people that are  looking for a pity party. This is just feeding the BS and I will not be a party to such nonsense.

Earlier in the day I saw another woman asking how she is going to survive SPMS.

I told her to try and stay positive and stress free. Ya know kind of the same way she was surviving RRMS? I know it’s quite a blow to be had but it is doable.

Is it fun? No it sucks royally but we’ve been given the gift of life and we need to appreciate every single day.

I really don’t understand why people wallow in self pity. Maybe they get a charge out of people commenting on how sorry they are for their issues. Regardless it’s a poison to get started in this way of thinking.

While some revel in it being pitied I find it uncomfortable which leads me to acting awkward because I find it so very unnerving.

I write this blog as an outlet as well as to educate, NOT to be pitied. Don’t pity me I’m still the HBIC. There are much worse situations than mine. Let’s be grateful for the things we have and not dwell in being sad sacks. If anything those around you will hold you in high regard and possibly be inspired by your will to overcome challenges.

Standing in the shadows

I titled this as such because here lately that’s how I’ve been feeling. Not sad, not mad, not depressed. Just kind of in the shadows watching. Watching me, watching my family and watching my friends.

Sorry Ive been a bad blogger but if the truth be known I hadn’t had a lot to say.

I’ve been very, very tired. I hadn’t felt very present in anything. Kind of just there, tired and weak. Still the chipper lunatic, laughing and joking on occasion but not really there. This probably won’t make sense to anyone but me, but that’s how it’s been.

My sissy and my Neice came to visit YAY I love them so much! As excited as I was to see them I was too exhausted to do much of anything. I felt terrible for not being able to go and do as I usually do.

So I felt like a slacker. Am I a slacker? No! Not by any means. I had some type of upper respiratory thing going on. Congestion etc. I remember just a couple of years ago being a bit MSy after being sick with a crud but these days it’s on a whole new level.

Things change. Change scares me. I hate to be a punk but these days I feel like I’m petering out more and more. The level of tired is changing. I’m not going to pretend this doesn’t scare me.

The winter is painful and the summer heat drains me. Apparently fall and early Spring are the only short times my MS is manageable. This leaves a very brief time for actual living. I love those times.

Throughout the good or bad times I smile through it. There are so many other hard times in life . The illness of a loved one ( been there and trust me it’s worse). Worse illnesses than MS etc.

But to shortchange the devastating effects of MS would be ignorant AF. It’s hard and it’s ugly. I go and I do as much as I can. The other day my husband had a mandatory graduation he had to attend. I of course being the dutiful wife went. Was I tired and anxious my legs would give out? Yes I was very worried. But I went sick AF and tired as could be. We went so he wasn’t made to feel he wasn’t fulfilling his contractual obligations.

None the less during my sissies visit and the graduation I felt in the shadows walking through life as an observer rather than a participant.

I went to my neuro today he didn’t have a lot to say besides all that I’m feeling is natural progression. Love this guy. He’s not trying to push anything down my throat and still keeping a positive outlook.

I know it’s silly but I halfway thought this summer would be different than last summer. It’s not, if anything it’s harder. But I’m dealing and will continue to deal.

God is still good and I’m still a happy camper. I just need to get out of the shadows more.