Life lessons,what are you passing on to your kids?

IMG_5368I start this entry with Life Lessons, What are you passing on to your kids?

I ask the question because as we all know our kids are our legacy. They are what we leave to the world long after we’re gone. We of course want to leave it (the world) better than we found it. We want our children to make a difference in the world, we want them to be productive members of society. When the kids was little I told them many times “we all have to be productive members of society.” They didn’t know what I meant when they was little, but as they got older they understood.

With that being said I’ll talk about my son baby Dave. Baby Dave has work today, he woke sick as crap.  I asked him are you going to work or are you going to call out? He say’s no, I’m not calling out, I’m heading in right now.  I said ok just make sure if you get worse you go home, they’ll understand. I’m pretty proud of his and Jakes work ethic. It’s the same as mine and was of their step dad Bob.

My Da had a hell of a work ethic that he passed down to me and my sissies. I remember him telling my older sister Sylvia some very sound advice one day when she was about 19. She had been out the night before and was going to call out of work because she was tired.  He said ” you shouldn’t call out sick, they wouldn’t have hired you if they didn’t need you there”. This stuck with me. I was only about 10 but I can still remember him saying it like it was yesterday. She wound up going to work because she had a great deal of respect for our dad. When he said something we listened.

This is one of the life lessons I passed down to my boys. I told them that story about my da many years ago. A couple of years ago my son Jake repeated that story back to me when he was sick and getting ready for work. This pleased me greatly.

Life lessons are HUGE with kids, they mirror us quite a bit. I’ve seen some good traits as well as some not so good traits in my boys. Like when they’re sassy, I can’t really complain though,they get it from their momma. If I’m anything I’m sassy. But what I’m saying is we need to instill the important things like a good work ethic, a loving home, tight knit relations with family, how to treat everyone with kindness and respect. Treat the janitor just like you do the CEO of a company. Those things are more important than anything. We seem to have gotten away from this.

If I say anything I can say the most useful life lesson my da passed down to me was to be a hard worker, not to expect anything for free. You get what you put into life, so give it your all.

I wrote this for my dads funeral, It was the life lesson’s he passed down to me. I was honored to give his eulogy, he was a great dad.

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The love of my father got me through some very difficult times in life.
The love of my father made me feel love when I felt all alone in the world.
The love of my father made me be the mother I am to my boys.
The love of my father taught me to be a hard worker even when I felt too sick to do a whole days work.
The love of my father taught me the pride in my appearance, because Dad never went anywhere looking anything short of fantastic.
The love of my father taught me to live my life with a zest and not worry about other peoples opinions. Because at the end of the day it is MY life.
With the love of my father I will get through this deep loss with my head held high and a smile on my face. Beacause with the love of my father I learned that even in death you can take the good memories and persevere.
And last but not least with the love of my father I will continue to teach my boys the strength, pride and courage my dad instilled in me.
Bendicion Da I love you always

With technology being in the forefront we seem to have forgotten about the important things. We’re so busy looking at our phones that we forget to interact and actually TEACH our kids. I’m glad I raised mine before things got stupid or I’d probably be guilty of this too. I’m not judging I’m just passing on useful advice.

Years ago my baby Jake had a project in school. I think it it had to do with what we give to the world. This is what he made, at that point I knew he had a clear understanding of how things should be. And yes I still have it:)IMG_5433.JPGIMG_5434.JPGIMG_5435.JPGIMG_5436.JPGIMG_5438.JPGThis is something I’ll treasure forever. I know my boys will treasure the life lessons I passed on to them. Now I’m not saying I’m the perfect momma, I know there are many things my kids could complain about. My yelling like a lunatic for one as well as I’m sure many other things. But I think for the most part I’ve been a positive role model for them. They’ve seen me and their step dad work even when sick, love fiercely, and treat people with kindness and understanding.

So please if I impress anything upon to my readers, please take your responsibility of raising children seriously.  When you’re gone everyone else has to deal with them. Lets make it a positive experience for all involved. Happy Monday folks:)

Making memories….

E5D5CEDE-2586-432C-8A68-3C83F4731E47.jpegI start this entry with making memories. I feel VERY strongly about this subject. This is something people with and without a chronic illness should always make a point to do. Life can change fast, it can change within a second leaving us with the wtf look on our face.

Don’t be left thinking I wish I had done that. I’ve made a ton of memories in my day. Nothing crazy mind you, no overseas vacations, no elaborate parties, but I still and all have made some wonderful memories. I think my kids have really benefitted from the fun stuff they can look back on. We talk about those fun/crazy times a lot.

Last night my son David, my go to son, my ride or die person txted me a video. He works at the Bay on 30A. It’s a really nice restaurant in a very nice area.

They had an event last night and I believe will be doing another tonight. They have a song writers festival going on, it’s a big time from what I hear. Deana Carter is there as well as several other artists.

Years ago when David was 8 or 9 I brought him and his brother (baby Jake) to one of her concerts. They was just little guys but we had a blast. Afterward him and Jake got on stage and we took pictures. I’m a fan of taking lots of pictures. Glad I did that now that my memory has gotten so bad. Those pics make me laugh and help me remember.

So David’s at work and in the middle of everything going on (it was very busy) takes the time to take a video of her singing one of the songs we heard her sing when he was a little guy and sent it to me. My boys are as sentimental as me. I love it!!! It choked me up that he remembered that concert.

My point to telling you that (besides giving my boy David props) is to make sure I impress upon everyone how important making these memories are. While it seems like a silly little concert or a silly little video txt. It’s important to me that my boys remember all of the fun times we had when they was little.

Life gets busy and with chronic illness it seems like we have so much going on. Even without illness, life is busy. We have careers, bills, problems at work, problems paying bills. But at the end of the day all of that is temporary. It’s minor, especially if we have kids. Kids are always watching and taking their cue from us. The things important to us will wind up being important to them.

I remember vividly when my dearly departed husband Bob was sick with cancer, we talked. We talked a lot. We made memories even when he was in the process of passing. I remember having a conversation with him about vacations and how he’d wished we had taken more. We both was busy working, paying bills and raising kids throughout our marriage. He worked hard and was a good provider. He spoiled me and the kids rotten.

I talk about Bob a lot you’ll see. That doesn’t take away from my sweet husband Lance. I just feel like my life with Bob was important in making me who I am today. Lance too is a wonderful man, who goes above and beyond. But I was younger while Bob and I was married and I learned a lot from him.

So back to my making memories spiel. I remember when my boys was in grade school all the way through to high school, I’d pick them up during school for lunch and we’d go have a lunch date. That or I’d keep them home for the day from school and we’d have a mom and son day, a day at the beach or shopping.

Make those memories, take the vaca, stay up late, let the kiddos eat cake for breakfast once in a while. Life is short, enjoy it.

Not acting like I’m checking out or anything, because I’m NOT I’m far from it. I’m going to be around for many years to make a ton more great memories with Lance and the boys

But my circumstances have changed.

My Sissy had a chance to go to Europe and Hungary a couple of months back. She is deathly afraid of flying and going to Europe is a very, very long flight. She was stressing over getting on the flight. About a week before her trip she called and was picking my brain about going on that loooong flight. I told her to take the trip if anything for me.

I told her how I’d wished I’d have done more while I was still able. She wound up taking the trip and had a blast!

I’d like to do a trip to Europe (I have a ton of family there, that I’d love to see) but don’t think it’s very realistic that I can actually pull it off. My sons don’t understand why I think it’s outside the realm of possibilities. They don’t understand how exhausting it is for me to just sit. They don’t get how no amount of meds can make this any less painful.

With all of that I have to say I’m thankful my boy Jake is doing trips over seas and David is doing his thing, got his degree and is enjoying life. I live vicariously through them. They’re making memories. Anyone that knows me, knows I’m a helicopter mom from hell and worry myself into a tizzy. I like my kids close, so if God forbid anything happens I can be there in a moments notice. I’m learning to let go and let them do their thing, because life is short and I want them to have their memories to look back on when they’re old and grey.

So enough of that. Onto yesterday, it was a good day! I woke, helped my sweetie feed the pups, showered and went to Walmart. Yes I always say Walmart is a shit show, but with feeling like all I do is lay in bed even Walmart can be a welcome change of scenery.

So we go and as usual it amuses us. Lance and I joke that it’s the promenade of Panama City. I go to the pharmacy to get the remainder of my script. Just a heads up check your scripts when picking them up. This is what happened to me….

I had gotten my script in 12/7 didn’t realize it was short 69 pills. I went to take my pain meds the other day and thought wth? I knew I hadn’t went through that script so quick. I HATE pain meds (because I’m a control freak and like to be in control of my faculties). I knew there’s no way in hell I could have taken that many. I look at the bottle and low and behold they had only given me a partial script. I call Walmart pharmacy (in a tizzy) and they tell me “ you must have requested a partial script” I call BULLSHIT! I told the lady on the phone I have never requested a partial script EVER! She was unclear as to why they had only given me a partial. I told her I wasn’t blaming her I just wanted some resolution. So check your scripts folks!

So I pick up the remainder, talk to the pharmacist (who also didn’t know why this had happened) he was very apologetic though, so lesson learned. I go about my business, do my shopping, and go to check out.

The hubby and I joking and being silly. It was a good day, I felt human GO TEAM ALEX!!!!! They (Walmart) may be a shit show but they do have the best prices in town.

We get to a line that’s pretty short. How could this be? A short line and a crip spot in the parking lot? Holy shit the Walmart Gods must be shining upon us today!

There’s a lady In front of us, Lance and I are chit chatting amongst ourselves, when it happens, there’s an error while doing the lady before us transaction. Holy shit stop the presses, this is a major thing. NOT.

The manager comes clears the register and tells the cashier she needs to redo the ladies purchase, which entails ringing up her order all over again. Piece by piece the cashier goes through her order again. The whole time this lady ( the cashier) looks like she wants to cry. She’s about my age,so she wasn’t a child, my heart went out to her. The customer looks a little annoyed but she’s handling it ok. She get her through and paid. Looks at me with a look of, I just know you’re going to bitch and complain. She apologized for it taking so long. I said “no worries, shit happens”. Meanwhile the chic behind me is complaining like an ass. The look of appreciation she ( the cashier) gave me was awesome. She saw I wasn’t going to be a jerk, so she went on to tell me about some meat deals they had going on. It was as if to say thanks for not being a jerk here’s a tip for your efforts.

I leave this blog entry with saying treating people with regard and understanding is as good for us as it is with the other person. The woman behind me, complaining probably continued having a shit day with her shit attitude. While she (the cashier) appreciated my understanding, I felt good about being the one she had to deal with during a stressful part of her day.

No I’m not giving myself a pat on the back or anything. Trust me I’ve been an ass on more than one occasion. I’m just saying slow down and calm down. Not everything is an emergency and we don’t always have to rush.

I’m learning a different way of being these days. I’m not stressing near as much and I take the time to breath, gather my thoughts and enjoy all the good days I can. The good days have become the rarity. Hopefully this passes and my new normal levels out to be more good days than bad days like they was before. After all winter is what tends to make my MS go hey wire.

I end this with saying I’m sure I’ll still be an ass on occasion. Still spunky and have a no nonsense attitude about me and would never back down from an altercation. I’m just slowing it down and looking at things from all angles before jumping the gun and showing my ass.

So now the cable guy is here and hopefully can fix our cable issue. Happy Sunday folks.

Ladies lounge…..

I titled this one ladies lounge as I sit here drinking my hot tea. I titled it as such because I wish I was sitting in a really nice lounge drinking a glass of really good, really pricey red wine. Enjoying girl talk with you all. Instead of on my computer, in my pajamas, drinking hot tea. I don’t drink any more so thats not going to happen, but a girl can imagine.

The reason this blog is addressed to the ladies is because it deals with the M word. Yep menstruation. I have been bragging that I went through menopause. YAY!!! YIPPEE!!YAHOO!! I hadn’t had my period since last year. I was ecstatic!!! After all I’m done with having babies and am very ok with getting older.

I have to say some women are embarrassed about getting older. Not me by golly, I’m 47 and proud of it!!!!!  I’m proud I’ve made it. While people don’t die from MS they can die from complications. So every year is an accomplishment. At least it is in my head. I think I’ve held up ok. After all people think my son’s are my brother when we’re out and about.

So with all that back ground being said I’ll continue on with my menstruation story. I hadn’t had a period in almost a year. A full year that I didn’t have to deal with the nonsense of menses. I told my girlfriend this a while ago and she said it may be due to my last very severe, life changing flare up of my MS.  She had went through a long period without menses as well. But I’m thinking come on, I’m almost 50, it’s time for menopause. I’M READY!!!I’ve been bragging about how I don’t have to deal with periods any more when low and behold I get my period. I get this period and it’s in full force!!!!

I was wondering why I’ve been feeling so MSy the past week. I thought I had just over done it the week prior. NOPE it was just PMS kicking up my MS. Because you guessed it ladies. Your menstruation does in fact make your MS symptoms more pronounced.

I’m not 100% sure it was the flare up or if I’m premenopausal, I figured I’d throw it out there. Just in case there are others out there like me that have wondered about this issue. There are articles about how menstruation effects MS but none about it causing a laps in menstruation. I’m sure when I go to my gyno and ask her she’ll give me dead eyes with some ridiculous response leading up to her not knowing if this is the case. Don’t get me wrong she’s a lovely lady and a good gyno, I just notice a trend when a dr doesn’t have a legit reason for your issue. It always starts with the dead eyes and then the

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ramblings.

While I’m not sure why this subject is so tabu, its a fact of life. I mean my god I talk about pooping in some of my blogs so why not this? Yes I will say what others just think about. If there is a topic any of you are interested in talking about but are too embarrassed to bring up feel free to send me an email and I’ll try and address it. I find there are a lot of things people don’t readily talk about because they’re tabu or private matters. I don’t think there is anything about nature that really needs to be kept in the dark.

With that being said I can be private with some matters. For instance I can’t stand PDA (public displays of affection) I hate when people hang on each other or make out in public.  Like really? Keep that crap in your bedroom. But health and well being should not have to be kept quiet for risk of offending. With that I’ll say I’m not out there screaming in public about my period, just on my blog with women that go through some of the same things I have.

Positive thinking through MS

Screen Shot 2017-12-30 at 12.12.39 PMI start this by saying I truly believe positive things happen to positive people. Not to say when negative things happen it’s our fault. It’s life and shit happens.

I was heckled the other day because of my belief system. A woman in an MS group asked me if my beliefs have cured my MS. I answered no they had not. After reading this woman’s negative response, I thought long and hard about why she felt the need to be so negative. I mean I wasn’t telling her she HAD to have the same beliefs as me. I was merely stating what has gotten me through. Not to beat a dead horse, but it made me think about our way of looking at life and all of the ups and downs.

I’ve been known to say ” If it wasn’t for the valley’s I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the peaks.” I’m not saying I don’t have bad days, we all do. But to stay in that frame of mind is terrible for our health, it’s poison for the MSer. Did being in the valley’s of my life bring me pleasure?  No they didn’t.  Did I learn something while there?  Yes I did, with every bad experience/ hard time I took something and tried to make it a learning experience. Do I wish life was all rainbows and cotton candy? ABSO-FREAKEN-LUTELY. But its not, it’s our choice if we make life a negative experience or a positive experience.

There are times I could have laid in bed and cried for days. The majority of my family have passed, this greatly saddens me. But that is part of life and none of us are getting out alive. I’ll see them one day and that brings me comfort. I’ve been sick for many, many years.  I suffer pain daily, I can’t sleep most nights. I’ve lost my career and pretty much the ability to drive, I’ve lost my independence that I greatly valued. I make a conscious effort every day not to let those things get the better of me.

Can I be a grumpy Guss and get cranky?  Yes I’m actually known for my smart mouth and snarky comments. But when I look at my life I see the positives. I could still walk (numerous dr’s have told me i’d lose the ability).  I can still talk even when I have cog fog and get confused, I can form a sentence. I have abilities that some of us MSer’s don’t so for that I’m thankful. That’s why I see things in a positive light.

Now as you all know I’m not one of those hippie chics, not all flowery and crap. But I do what’s in my best interest and having faith and being as positive as I can, gets me through. What does negativity get you?

Think about that for a moment:

  • Does it  make you situation better=  NO
  • Does it help your health= NO
  • Does it bring you profit=  NO
  • Does it make people want to be around you= NO

While being positive doesn’t fix all of these situations, it does have some benefits to our health and mental wellbeing.

Don’t get me wrong, I know life is hard and I also know depression is a very REAL illness. I just look back at my very hard at times in life and know that if I didn’t look at things the way I do, I’d be in a lot worse shape with my MS. I laugh at everything I can, I laugh at myself a lot! I could cry about falling or my vision getting squirrely, or aspirating and choking on my food, but instead I make a joke out of it. It’s my coping technique and it’s worked so far.

Hopefully this doesn’t get anyones undies in a wad. I’m writing this in hopes to help any newbie MSer’s see they can take something positive out of all the experiences they may go through with this disease. Keep it as positive as you can for your own health if for anything. Cry if you need to (we all need to get it out every now and again) Your cup isn’t half empty, it’s half full!

 

Sleep Depravation and Cog Fog

 

Sleep deprivation makes for a cranky Al,

So last night was yet another up down experience.  Me with spasms and just a feeling of malaise. Then my hubby doing the up down to pee. I’m pretty sure I only got about 3 full hours of sleep.  So I will sleep walk through the day as I have done time and time again.  With lack of sleep comes Cog Fog.  This is where the MSer is so sleep deprived from pain etc. through the night that they have an extremely hard time thinking and has a  legit issue with cognitive function. This happens to me often.
My poor hubby has work. I feel worse for him than I do myself. I’ll be napping in a bit while he tirelessly teaches high school physics. Luckily he has good students that actually want to be in his class. But still teenagers are not my idea of good company.  I know I sound like a mean ogre.  I’m not, I just have little patience these days.  Sorry… not so sorry.

Teens today seem to lack respect as well as common sense. They lack respect because their parents left it for the schools to teach. Well guess what folks?  It’s not their job, it’s the parents job teach respect and discipline their child.   So if they don’t have respect you probably raised a jerk.  If you’ve raised some respectful children kudos to you mom or dad.  I’ll assure you, you’re the rarity.  But like I said Lance deals with some good kids that do not give too much guff.  So my sweet hubby starts his day and I start mine.
All my crazy pups are happy to see us both. We feed them, we we have to sit in their room while Daisy eats. With her cast on she has to wear the dreaded E-collar, which we take off while she eats and if left alone she will destroy her cast. Yep, she has us trained well.  Everyone eats and does their business but Miss Daisy Mae?  She has to be walked on a leash since she hit that car. Can’t trust her to act like a respectable lady dog.  She’ll go flying into the road hitting cars and what not.

While we’re sitting there patiently waiting for Miss Crazy to get done eating Lance reads the news. He brings an article to my attention, it’s about how to know if you’re in a successful marriage. We got 8 out of 10 on the list, he beams with pride as he tells me. This warmed my heart that he took the time to look at the article and be interested. He is a really good hubby, I love him dearly. Not to say we hadn’t had our rough patches, because we have, God knows we have. We have both forgiven our not so nice times and moved on. He has shown me over and over again that he’s going to be there for the long haul. Even with seeing the very ugly side of MS and has chosen to stay and love me through it. I appreciate him more than he knows.
Miss Crazy gets done eating, so Lance and I get together, I put on her homemade boot over her cast (so her cast doesn’t get dirty) and Lance puts on her pinch collar. She hates the pinch collar but it’s a necessary evil.  Even with a broken leg Miss Daisy Mae can still drag us around the yard. Yep she’s an ass at times, and a strong one at that! Lance and I joke about how we’re like a pit crew where that dog is concerned with all the preparation we have to put in.
Success!!!She shit like the lucky little princess she is. As we tell her what a good girl she is, she prances around, head held high and looking like royalty.  I love her, she’s a bigger diva than I could ever be.

So now I’m thinking how I’m in need of a good BM. This may be TMI but the past couple of days have been just little rocks. I drink a ton of water and eat fiber so that’s not a problem. I also take probiotics and Magnesium citrate pills to help with this issue. So now I wait…..
Luckily I have no plans today so I’ll try and catch up on some sleep. It’s been a weird week ever since my couple of appointments last week I’ve been a tad out of sorts and feeling my MS in full force.  Feeling like crap always makes me a little anxious. I get anxious because I’m not sure what’s heading down the pike. When I don’t feel well I worry this is going to be it…I’m going to wake up unable to walk. This is a common concern for us MSer’s.  Like I’ve said before MS is a tricky bitch.  It’s a valid fear, as I’ve seen time and time again. In my rational mind I know I’d get through it and make the most of whatever gets thrown my way.  I just really don’t feel like taking on a new normal.  This last new normal was a bit trying.
So the day goes on…..
Lance and I are back in bed talking before he goes to work. I hear the kitchen door open, who could it be this early in the A.M?  It’s baby Jake!  He came over to see me before heading out of town. No he’s not going out of the country this time. He’s just going to Georgia for a little get together for a friends bday.  I got to say it pleases me he feels the need to come and see me before heading out. It makes my heart happy.
He’s a happy go lucky ball of energy.  He comes in and the house is buzzing with laughter and silliness. He really is a live wire. My eldest David is my reserved, tender hearted, no nonsense, go to son and Jake is the wild child, have a good time and full of laughs. They definitely keep me entertained. David acts like me and Jake is just like their dad Big Dave.

He’s a character to say the least. A good dad with a heart of gold. Most people don’t care for their ex’s, thats not the case here. God knows we’ve argued over the years but I still hold him in high regard. He still has my back when it comes to the boys.

Last year Jake was going to NY for a visit with a young lady friend of his. He didn’t want to stay at his dads while he was there since he was going with a friend. He wanted to stay at a hostel. Well this particular hostel was in East NY. East NY is a very rough area, filled with crime and drugs. I told Jake this wasn’t a good idea. He blew me off. So I talked to Big Dave about it. Needless to say he convinced Jake not to stay there and to stay with him and Elaine. Thank GOD! I’m sure Jake could take care of himself, but I didn’t want him bringing this young lady to this area and God forbid having an issue.

Well enough of that bit of history, I may be rambling. It happens when I’m tired. I went back to sleep for a minute and Mr. Wiggles (my Olde English Bull) was in my room snoring like no ones business making it impossible to sleep. I thought to myself, that’s it I’m putting all of them down tomorrow! I sometimes tell them that just to make sure they know they’re walking a fine line. Don’t worry folks, I’m only joking, I just say it more for entertainment purposes.  So I’m regretfully awake but I guess I shouldn’t complain it’s better than the alternative.

BTW BM Accomplished today WILL be a good day!

So lets get this party started folks! Happy Thursday, lets make it a great day!

Blogging and being heckled?????

Well as you all know I wrote my blog this morning from bed. Feeling crappy as all get out, I decided to go back to sleep. I woke up and looked at my FB page MS with Ms. Alex.  I had also posted my blog on some of my MS support groups. I’ve had a rather positive response in the different groups. After all who doesn’t like reading positive/funny things when things look bleak?

Well low and behold I had someone respond to my blog with “Really? has faith cured your MS?” I responded with “nope, it hasn’t at all. But then I never claimed it did.” I went on to say this was my way of coping with MS. Had this woman read my blog in it’s entirety she would have seen where I was going with it, But no she spouted off making herself look silly.

My question is why would someone heckle another persons coping technique or belief system?  I at no time said this is what you HAVE to do to get through MS. If anything I’ve always been the no politics, no religion kind of gal. I respect everyones religion and beliefs. I was merely stating what Ive done to get through MY rough times with MS. On the other side of that coin, I also would never dare to heckle someone else’s way of doing or their beliefs. It’s rude and disrespectful. This woman was not legit asking me if I had been cured. She was being snarky, it was NOT appreciated.

NOT cool, I stay in my lane and expect everyone else to stay in theirs. If someone doesn’t like something written then you can click and get out of the blog and keep it moving. While it really chapped my ass, I held off and refrained from getting down to her level. If anything that would make me look as ignorant as she appeared. So with that being said, I hope I didn’t offend anyone. I am in no way shape or form apologizing for my beliefs. They are after all MY beliefs and I stick to them. I do want to say if there is anything anyone doesn’t agree with feel free to unfollow.

I love my blog as it is therapeutic and brings me a lot of laughs. It also as I’ve said before is a diary of sorts. So I’m keeping my diary and thats that. I do have to give my friend Lesley props for coming to my defense with that woman. I appreciated her words more than I can say.

Now on to other silly business, I got up after going back to sleep was able to shower, and my son took me for ice cream. I was kind of in a funk and I suppose he picked up on it. We went to my fave ice cream joint Cold Stone Creamery. YUM!!!!! Its one of my guilty pleasures. I was telling my girlfriend that he took me and told her “my, my how the roles have changed It was like he was the parent and I was the kid”. It made me chuckle. I’m lucky to have those boys and my sweet hubby.

Speaking of my hubby, he was at work the other day and called me asking me who Ashley was at the dentist office? I told him I think she was the hygienist. A nice girl who did a bang up job on my cleaning. He goes on to say she called him while he was at work looking for me.He said he was very terse with her.  I told him I was’t sure why she would call him since I only left his number as my emergency contact.  So I called and asked the receptionist if everything was ok?  She said yes and Ashley was with a patient, but she’d check. She comes back to the phone and says ” she was calling to let you know the new Oral B toothbrushes are in. I said really? she thought that was emergency enough to call my emergency contact to tell me that?  Don’t get me wrong I’ve done sales, I get it, but there are certain things you just don’t do. I told the receptionist to “please let Ashley know the only time she needs to call my emergency contact is if I’m dead in their chair”. She chuckled and agreed and said she would talk to her about it.

So now that I’ve cleared up the whole religion debaclePhoto on 1-10-18 at 3.28 PM, I hope you all continue to enjoy my blog as much as I enjoy writing it. Still smiling my cheesy smile. Good bad or otherwise I still feel every day is a gift.

Faith and feelings of self worth

IMG_5418First let me say my faith has gotten me through, time and time again. At my hardest times my faith in God gave me something to believe in, something other than myself. It was good to give my hard times to God so I didn’t have to shoulder them alone.
I know… I know, you’re all probably thinking Alex come on, we all know you curse like a sailor. This is true. I’ve been known to drink too much (I don’t drink any more) curse, tell someone off in a hurry as well as go toe to toe on occasion.
I’m not trying to paint some picture making myself out to be some holy roller. Because I’m not. I’m full of piss and vinegar and don’t pretend otherwise. I’m human after all. But I do have faith. I have a strong faith because of my step mother (she introduced me to religion at an early age). She (my mom) is the most Christian woman I have ever known. She talks the talk and walks the walk. I can’t thank her enough for instilling this in me. Any time I’m having a hard time, I give her a call. It’s like going to church via the telephone.
My religious back ground has given me the foundation that has gotten me through all of the trials I’ve had to go through in life. Although in my teen years you never would have known I knew anything about religion, I was a live wire and a handful for sure.
I remember when I first started going back to church here in Florida. I went with my Sissy. Little did I know I’d need that religion in months to come.
I started getting really sick. It all started with a tetanus shot ( yep a tetanus shot) I had to get because I cut myself on my fence at the house. I’ve heard others blame tetanus for their MS as well.  In my very uneducated opinion I think MS lies dormant in our system and is brought to the surface with different things. In my case it was tetanus. No I’m not saying don’t get a tetanus shot if you need one.
I went to my GP got my shot and not 3 days later I had flu like symptoms. Went to the hospital where they diagnosed me with some type of viral bug. Then the storm came, Hurricane Ivan in all his glory. At that point I was so sick I was almost bedridden. I stayed sick for about a week after, but slowly got better. Then came the numbness that started in my right hand ( still numb to this day) and kept spreading throughout my body. At first I just thought maybe a pinched nerve in my arm from my very heavy purse. Long story short this continued to spread. I developed a rash on the base of my scalp and my balance was off.  My GP sent me to a neurologist That neurologist said I had a basal migraine. I knew did not have a migraine. I’ve had them in the past and knew this was NOT the case.

After a couple of months dealing with that jack wagon. I decided to get a second opinion. At this point my whole right side was dead and I was pretty much dragging my right foot and my toes had curled upward.  The new neuro did a quick neurological exam, looked at my toes and said I’m not 100% sure until I do some tests but it looks like you may have Multiple Sclerosis. I’m thinking WTH? All I could think of was Jerry’s kids as I had no idea what MS was. I had the necessary spinal tap and MRI both test confirmed his suspicion of MS. I was floored! I told my girlfriend Patti of this (her hubby was a Radiologist). Butch was kind enough to look at my films and confirmed the diagnosis. That really meant a lot to me. They’re really good people.
So it went on and on, the one thing that got me through was my faith.  Faith, Bob ( he was my rock)and my family.  My sissy came over every day to help me around the house and pick up the boys from school. She damn sure looked out when I needed her.

I kept going to church and when things got too difficult I prayed and then I prayed some more. Getting back to church at that precise moment saved me from absolute despair.
That same faith got me through the passing of Bob. His passing broke my heart but I got through it.
Now I’ll talk about feelings of self worth.  From what I’ve heard it’s hard for some to have self worth when dealing with a chronic illness.  My self worth comes from in part my religion. I know if there wasn’t a reason for me to be here, I wouldn’t be. I still have work to do. Not sure if it’s for my kids or my hubby or for whoever is reading my silly blog. But I do know there’s a reason, and I do have purpose. When my job is done, I’ll be gone. That alone gives me a reason to have a ton of self worth and brings me great comfort.
I remember when my husband Bob was sick with cancer he would tell me over and over. I just have to get these boys grown. When he passed I knew (even though I was heart broken and shaken to my core) that his job raising the boys was done. He was a wonderful father, raised his three kids and then my two.  He did a wonderful job and I’m forever grateful.

So yes we have tremendous suffering with this disease, but there is a reason we’re here. We have purpose, maybe just to show someone else how lucky they are not to be sick. You still have purpose and should always have self worth. We bring something to the table. Don’t ever let anyone make you believe otherwise.
No I’m not telling anyone that this is what they HAVE to do. I’m just talking about my personal path in dealing with a chronic illness.  I know it can be quite a blow when we can’t work or do the things we’ve always been able to do. I don’t judge, and I don’t shove my religion down anyone else’s throat.  I just want people to understand what’s brought me to have the attitude I have. Time and time again I see my fellow MSer’s questioning their self worth and my heart goes out to them.
With all that being said I’ll let you all in on the real scoop. I’m doing my blog from bed today because I feel like dog doo. But that’s ok. I have faith that tomorrow is another day and filled with endless possibilities.

This blog entry is dedicated to my Mom Libe. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be who I am. Thanks for reading and Happy Wednesday folks.

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