Pumping yourself up mentally and why it’s important.

As I lay in bed contemplating life and all of its idiosyncrasies, I think to myself am I going to let this day slip by my like yesterday did? Hell no, If anything I’m going to try.

Yesterday was a bit rough, but I got through. I laid in bed most of the day and didn’t do squat. I was never one of those people that could rest easily. Now I find it a have to, on more days than I care to think about.

I remember back before I progressed. I remember getting up for work and thinking damn this shit has GOT to get better. I was able to pump myself up mentally and get my ass out the door for work.

Well it didn’t get better. If anything it got worse. I’m not complaining because this is par for the course for some MSers. Did I think it would happen to me? Absolutely freaken NOT! I thought I was 10ft tall and bullet proof. Unfortunately my body had another plan. The plan was I would progress to the point I had to leave work and have to rest more than do productive things.

I’ve always been really good about psyching myself up to conquer certain goals. Thankfully I’m still good at this little mind trick of mine. These days I find I have to psych myself up to do little things. I literally pump myself up mentally to shower or vacuum the house.

Even fun things take a pumping up like getting in my yard to garden or play a round of golf with the hubby.

Today I’m going to pump myself up to go to the gym. I cancelled with my son yesterday because I just couldn’t manage. Today I WILL manage as best I can. He’ll be patient as he always is. Thankfully my kids have a realistic grasp on most of my limitations. Every now and again one of them will come out with something silly and I’ll have to break it down for them.

This gets a bit old, but how can they really understand the full scope of how my body feels? They can’t and that’s ok. I don’t mind explaining to them.

People don’t generally get it. Even other MSers sometimes don’t get it because they’re not dealing with the same issues. I admit I too was one of these people. I would look at people and think….damn they just gave up. Well I can vouch for those people at this point. At no time have I given up, but my body isn’t complying at this point. There are days all the mind tricks just don’t work.

The point I’m poorly trying to convey is you don’t know until you know. Now I know. So I’m going to pump myself up and attempt to do the gym thing. I’ll let you all know how it turns out.

Happy Friday folks let’s keep it positive.

Don’t Stop Believing…..

Yesterday was a good day. Got up, showered (much needed) did my hair and felt pretty decent.

My plan was to bring my hubby lunch. My friend told me the Prime Rib guy food truck was going to be at the sheriffs office today. The S.O is literally 5 min away from my house. Hot damn I thought, I’ve been dying to try it. So I figured I’d bring the hubby some lunch.

Now this is something a lot of people don’t think about. Having MS for so long I’ve looked at all angles of the disease and how it effects my family. I always try to make sure I’m always present in their lives and try not to make everything about my disease.

With something that’s always in the shadow (even on good days) it’s easy to be consumed by it. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN!!! We worry A LOT about what tomorrow is going to bring and forget about today. This is NOT healthy. We worry about the what if? Well worrying about the what if ruins the today.

As I stood in line for the Prime Rib guy I talked with several ladies. I felt semi human. It was great. I am a Chatty Cathy when I feel decent. I will say if I’m not up to par and feeling really bad I don’t talk and can be a cranky. I don’t want to put across that I’m always chipper because I’m not. I’m human and have good days and bad.

So I was bringing my cutie lunch. Gotta keep the home fires burning, and all that jazz. I always say keep your spouse fed and F***ed as best you can. I’m not saying I’m the dynamo I once was. But I still make the effort and my sweetie appears very content. If you do make the effort then it’s on them completely if they step out, because you’ve done your part.

We have to make sure we don’t let that sneaky bitch get the better of us. We are much, much more than MS.

So I brought my sweetie lunch. You would have though I hung the moon, he was so happy. It’s good that he appreciates my efforts as it keeps me making the effort.

Later in the day that little stinker Daisy Mae got a hold of her cast yet again. It’s ok. I had an appointment on Monday to get it removed anyway. So I brought her in and now she’s free. Free at last! She’s very delicate with it but I’m sure it’s still tender and she has to regain the muscle that she lost having the cast on.

Went to sleep later and woke with nerve pain. Eh, between that and the steroids I was wide awake. I heard Hamm start crying and wound up taking them to potty and kenneled them again. I vaped and went back to sleep. Thank you Jesus!!!! I slept and woke ok. Woot woot. It WILL be a good day.

So Saturday begins. Life is good. Vision is pretty good and I’m not in mind numbing pain. I say thank you Jesus because that’s my belief system. I don’t push religion down anyone’s throat but that’s my gig.

I remember when I was first dx’d I had recently started back at church and then got sick. Being back at church and my faith got me through those really tough moments.

When first dx’d I prayed and prayed some more. I was raised pretty religious, pentacostle of all things. Everyone knows I’m a hellion, used to drink too much and still curse like a sailor. But with all of that, my beliefs are still the same and I have a huge amount of faith.

I know some folks are mad when diagnosed. I think I was just too scared to be mad. I was deathly afraid of the unknown. I am after all a control freak at best. This unknown was kicking my butt. I truly needed to give it to God before I lost my shit. So I gave it to God then and I give it to God now.

This last flare leveled me, changing my life beyond belief. I’m a completely different person than I was just a year ago. It’s ok I gave it to God again to get the pressure off of me. I saw it was ok for my life to change. It wasn’t in my plan but wound up being he plan made for me. I’m ok with that. I’m adjusting pretty well. I don’t feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and am transitioning into a very chill way of living. No more racing around for work or racing around for anything. I go at my own pace and find it much more peaceful.

So my long story was to give some advice. Give your stresses to someone/something else. I’m not saying Christianity is for everyone. Do your own thing. I don’t care if it’s your Buddhist, Muslim or whatever. I don’t care if you you believe in sponge bob. Just give the stresses of this disease to a higher power than yourself. Whatever works for you, will be better than beating yourself up over a situation you can’t control.

There are so many things about MS you can’t control. You can control your meds, food and exercise. Work on what you can and give the other things to that higher power. It will carry you though. It has me. Not that I’m a poster child for MS or religion but I do think I cope rather well. Not saying I’m a perfect Christian. I’m not. I have a filthy mouth and can act pretty shitty when prompted. But when things get tough and I feel overwhelmed I give it to my higher power.

With that I end this entry with enjoy your Saturday. Make the most of the weekend. Do something nice for someone. It will make a difference❤️

I scoff at pain and then it kicks my ass

The beginning of the week was pretty ok. Pain has been present but not horrible. I’ve been staying busy trying to keep my mind off of the normal daily pain. I worked in the yard. It was great. I was a happy little beotch.

It was the anniversary of Bob (my late husbands) passing. I used to get very down and upset over this anniversary, but now I’ve reached the point I can think back and smile and remember all the fun times we had. He was a great man, wonderful husband and dad to his own as well as my kids.

We (my children and I) learned a lot from him. He was a very wise man. He was 20 yrs my senior and full of wisdom and life lessons that I’ve taken with me. My boys and I are very thankful to have had him in our lives.

So I was chugging along having a good couple of days. The temps are mild and I’ve been able to garden. Life is good by golly. Spring is usually my time to shine. That and fall are my best times. It’s not terribly hot or cold. I can actually move about like a regular gal.

I hadn’t taken baclofen or tramadol in 4 days. I was so happy. I was dealing with the normal pain and feeling ok. Woo mother effin’ hooo!!!! It’s amazing the amount of pain we MSers can get used to. As I’ve said before I hate taking pain meds. It’s never good for the body. If I can go holistic 💯 I definitely will. All the drugs come with side effects as well as damage our already frail ,damaged bodies. So there I was feeling like a G!

Then out of nowhere my right arm locked up. I couldn’t move my arm away from my body. The pain I was having was brutal. It took my breath away many times over the past day and a half. I was at the point of going to the hospital for morphine. In the past when I’ve gotten locked up I’ve went to the hospital and that’s how they would treat it.

It was spasms that would NOT release. I could barely breath through the pain. I laid in bed yesterday overwhelmed by the pain. I laid there thinking. I can’t do this shit. The pain is going g to drive me absolutely crazy. I kept thinking there’s no way I can get away from this shit!!!

I had plans with David to run errands etc and Jake came over in the morning. He does most morning. I love that. My kids always making sure to check on little momma. Well it turned out I could barely get out of bed. But I did because if I do anything I’m going to at least try to hide some of this shit from my boys.

They think I’m indestructible so I keep on keeping on even in the most horrendous of times. But with things like they was yesterday I had to fess up and cancel with David.

It broke my heart to have had to do that. I NEVER cancel with my boys. The pain was unreal. I couldn’t fake it for even a minute. But I did get out of bed. So there’s that.

David understood and Jake went across town to get me tiger balm in hopes it would help. David went and got me food and they both made sure to help me through the day.

As I got through the day I got on Facebook and let my buds know I was NOT in a good way. I try not to complain but yesterday and the night before was unbearable. I needed good thoughts and prayer. I had one of my friend remind me to take copaiba oil so I did. I also put my tiger balm on smoked my MMJ and took pain meds. Nothing was touching the pain.

I took all my meds as well as a ton of MMJ. I was thankful to have my MMJ. Everyone should have access to it. No ones ever overdosed on marijuana. Im so tired of hearing the bullshit of “it’s a gateway drug.” I smoked out as a teenager and never took part in harder drugs. If someone is going to dabble in hard drugs or become dependent on drugs it has to do with the individual, not if they smoked pot in the past. I’m here to say I never had an inclination to do anything harder than smoke a little pot. Even that i didn’t do for many years until I got so sick I had to. Remember, I worked in law enforcement for many years and that is a strict NO, NO.

So this was me the night before last.

I’m totally NOT ashamed. I wish all the ignorant people that think marijuana is evil could feel my pain for just one day.

I was suffering something horrible. What do I do when I’m hurting? I call my mom. We prayed together over the phone That always makes me feel better. I always say from Lee’s mouth to Gods ear. My friend Jerry also asked his sweet wife Pam to have her prayer group pray for me. This meant so much to me. The friends and family keeping me in prayer truly touches my heart. Good friends and family are worth their weight in gold!

I talked to several of my Facebook friends that was checking on me. One of those friends is Lesley. She’s a doll. If I could manage travel I would definitely go and see her. She’s a very smart and interesting lady. She has Primary progressive MS. She handles her illness with grace and a bit of a warped sense of humor, much like myself.

When talking to her about pain she said her level on a good day is at a 10 and on a bad day past a 16. At that moment I immediately felt ashamed for bitching and whining. She’s not ambulatory any more and her pain level is worse than mine. Meanwhile mine is at a 6-8 on a good day and at a 13/14 on a bad day and I can still walk.

I’m still able to enjoy some things. I enjoy my gardening and still go and do on occasion. I really have no reason to complain. Things could always be worse.

The thing with MS is you never know if a bad situation will get better. It doesn’t always. Sometimes the rough patch stays and you don’t get back. I admit I was really afraid yesterday was going to be long lasting. I have had times like these that have lasted several weeks at a time. I am so thankful this one is passing.

While there are people that do a lot better than I’m currently doing there are far worse cases than mine. I need to still be thankful and praise God for the good in my life.

I admit as horrible as yesterday and the night before was. I’m thankful for all the peaks and valleys in my life. I don’t feel 100% today but I’m better than yesterday. That valley I was in made me appreciate this somewhat peak of feeling a bit better.

I have to say if MS gave me anything it was a true appreciation of every little thing in my life. My friends, my family my little house and my crazy pups.

My son wound up getting me as well as himself a membership to a gym. I love the fact that my kids are like me. They never lose hope. Even though I could barely move, my boy has enough faith in me to see that I’ll push through and be able to make the most of that membership. I’m hoping to get in that gym and get some muscle back. I’ve lost so much muscle mass this past year it’s ridiculous.

So MS won for a day and a half, but this bitch(me) is far from done. I’m doing better, not great, but better. Tomorrow is another day and I will continue on the upswing. Wish me luck and keep me in prayer. They’re always appreciated❤️

Keep it moving…..

So I’m laying in bed nauseas AF. Pain in my arm yet again, but at least I can move it.so there’s that. All in all I’m doing ok. I’m sure this will pass. Good days and bad days I’m used to it. Blah, blah, blah. lol

Me and my eldest went to the gym the other day. I didn’t set the world on fire but I tried and I’ll continue to try, because my da didn’t raise a quitter. That and I know that I’m giving my kids a HUGE lesson in life regarding fighting through the hard times. I know my kids will remember that their crazy old momma kept on keeping on:)

I’ve said before it’s all about the life lessons we leave our kids. This is one I think is important so I try to lead by example. The other is kindness. I try as hard as I can. I try until someone flips my bitch switch. Then it’s another story. But then I am only human. So….

The other is work ethic, this is one of the many my Da passed to me. I think my boys get it. They work even when they’re sick or not wanting to go. It’s part of being a productive member of society. I’ve told them about being a productive member of society since they were little boys. I’m sure they’re tired of hearing it.

Back to the kindness lesson. I try my level best not to be mean spirited, but I do have an opinion, and by golly I feel my opinion is as legit and worth hearing as anyone’s.

I came across an article regarding Molly Ringwald and her newfound social consciousness. I didn’t agree with her timing on how she now sees things from a more socially conscious perspective.

I get that she’s older and looks at things differently. That’s great!!! It really is, but the fact that it took her 30 yrs to see something that was obvious years ago is shocking.

Ok…Ok maybe she wasn’t mature or street savvy enough to get it back then. I’ll buy that. Sure…Ok. But 30 years?

My comment was something regarding her jumping on the socially aware bandwagon that a lot of people are jumping on. I’m not a fan of jumping on bandwagons. I go against the grain. While I do agree with her newfound awareness, I don’t agree with her timing. I’ve never been one to do things because everyone else was doing it. Sorry…not really.

It was my opinion. I didn’t state that opinion to get harassed by nay sayers. I gave my opinion and that was it. I wound up with 40+ comments on that opinion from people that literally argued with me over it.

The whole time I’m thinking really? Why do these people care what my silly ass thinks or says? It’s not like I’m a politician or even a public figure. I’m just me. Little old Al with a fucking opinion.

I thought well damn either these people are either true blue fans or related to her. I can’t imagine why anyone would go through an argument with me over my opinion. It was ridiculous! People trying to beat me over the head with their opinion.

I thought wow how pathetic are they to think their opinion any more important or more correct than mine? It’s an opinion that’s all it is. We wasn’t passing laws or making any real impact on society, it was just an opinion. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and theirs is no more special or on mark than mine.

What I wound up realizing was that these people was self important, arrogant hot heads. I had a couple of women get really squirrelly with me. At that point I had to get a little shitty, but not too terribly bad. I told one lady to keep it moving and just scroll if she didn’t agree with what I wrote. I wound up telling her it was funny. She asked what was funny? My response was, she was taking my comment as a personal assault which made me laugh. She then saw the silliness and stopped. I hope she saw how ridiculous the argument was.

There were a couple of others that got silly as well but nothing as silly as that one. I did have another comment on a blog accusing me of jumping on the MS bandwagon. I found her laughable as well. She accused me of jumping on the MS bandwagon. I said heck yeah I am. It’s drug me along for 14 years. I may as well jump on. She doesn’t have a clue as to my story and wound up looking a bit silly, but I got a chuckle out of it, so it’s all good.

In the end I had a couple of people comment like grown people. People with a brain that wasn’t in need of anger management,that actually made sense. These people had BRAINS. I appreciate an actual discussion vs. someone trying to force their opinion down my throat.

It wound up making me look at things a little differently. I appreciate those people. I still think poorly of old Molly for not saying anything until now. But I’ve never been a huge fan of hers anyway.

My point to all this babble is to say it’s ok to agree to disagree. It’s also ok to keep scrolling. I know there are a ton of things I see that I do not comment on. I have an opinion and a right just like everyone else. The quickest way to get me to dig my heels in is to try and force me to see things another way. So keep scrolling if you don’t agree with something. It’s just an opinion and we all have one.

With all that being said I hope everyone has a great Friday. Keep it light and keep it moving.

Sometimes a good cry is in order.

I blogged earlier regarding my hellish day yesterday and the night before. I wrote about what a rough go it was and that I’m feeling better. Go team Alex!

What I neglected to write about was how I laid in bed for a small part of yesterday and cried because I was miserable in this broken body of mine. I’m not generally a miserable person. I’m more the glass is half full kind of gal. But in all honesty it upset me more than I let on. I was very upset about not being able to go out with my boy. As you all know I rarely go out and about so I was very much looking forward to a day out with my kid.

If I do anything with this blog I hope it’s to relay a clear picture of my drunken looking walk with this illness. I do not in any way want to put on a facade. Sometimes things go terribly awry and can really mind fuck you. Yesterday was proof of the screwing MS can give.

So I felt somewhat better. I was thankful and looking forward to a decent day. Nothing crazy just a shower, brush teeth. Blah, blah, blah. You know normal personal hygiene stuff. I was very weak and dizzy this morning, but felt I could pull it off. I’m assuming it was in part due to the amount of meds in my system.

So I asked my son to “do me a fav and listen for me while I’m in the shower in case I fall or pass out”. Both of which didn’t happen. Thank God. I would have been mortified if my kid had to rescue my naked ass from the shower.

While in the shower I was able to wash with both hands. Progress!!!!Hell to the yeah!!!! While in the shower I was super dizzy and nauseas. Almost to the point of vomiting.

I got done in the shower started to dry off. Stumbling a little I braced myself against the shower wall and started crying. I admit at the moment I felt a bit defeated. I Was crying from deep within. Crying because this shit gets old. Crying because I’m frustrated, crying because yesterday was overwhelming. I was sure to keep quiet so my boy didn’t hear. If he had heard me crying he would have rushed in, in a panic thinking I was hurt. The only thing hurt was my positive way of being and my pride.

I wrote this because I think we all need to realize it’s ok to cry. It’s ok to be overwhelmed. It’s ok to feel like this shit is just unbearable at times. At times it truly is.

I have a lot of friends and family who say I’m strong or a tough cookie for dealing with things the way I do. I think maybe I put on a front when I say I’m a G or I’m gangsta. I can be pretty durable, rough around the edges and pretty outspoken. But to say I don’t have times that I’ve cried my eyes out would not be honest. It also would be doing a disservice to act like I’m doing anything new or different than anyone else. Anyone with a chronic illness has a hell of a struggle. If not visible than internal.

My point to all of this is I didn’t want to put on a front. If anything I want to be true to the honesty of this blog. I want to give a clear and honest picture of what goes on at times.

If that changes anyone’s opinion of me I have no idea. Nor do I care. Through the good times or the bad times I’m still me. I can be a gangsta at times but I can also cry my eyes out. After doing my crying stent in the shower. I semi pulled it together and went about my day. Tired, nauseas and dizzy. On the flip side my arm feels considerably better.

My crying time did the trick. I got it off my chest. So my advice would be if you need to cry, do it. It may make you feel better. It did me. No shame here. We’re all human and we can all use a good cry every now and again.

Living a drama/stress free life and autoimmune illness

It’s imperative for someone with an auto immune illness to lead a stress free life. I say this, but have I done this in the past? Absolutely not. I’ve screwed myself over time and time again, by caring too much and trying to fix everyone’s issues.

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Do ya know what that got old Alex? It got me secondary progressive MS. Not sure if I would have progressed anyway, but I do know that I’ve literally stressed over other peoples issues to the point of exhaustion.

MS is a progressive disease in itself, but I can say I helped things along by stressing over other people’s issues. I worried about familial issues that had nothing to do with me. I worried about doing holiday meals and making sure everything went well, to the best of my ability. This is the biggest mistake an MSer can do!!!

www.nationalmssociety.org/Resources-Support/Library-Education-Programs/You-CAN/Get-a-Handle-on-Stress

Now since sliding into secondary progressive MS, I damn sure learned how to scale back. I don’t worry about even half the nonsense I used to.

I have removed the negative people from my life. I don’t listen to the gossip and don’t pay attention to the shit stirrers. You can bet money that those that are talking to you about other people are also talking about you. I have truly gotten to the point that I don’t care what anyone has to say about me. I have to worry about me and my health. If it’s seen as selfish, so be it.

I don’t entertain any more. Cooking isn’t a thing at my house any more. If I happen to get a wild hair up my ass and have energy, I cook. If not it’s ok, my family understands.

I don’t have house guests anymore, if someone wants to visit they can get a hotel room. I’m not the Howard Johnson’s and don’t have the energy or the patience. I love to visit, but at this point in my illness I do not feel the need to go above and beyond. I’ve done that and here I sit.

I don’t stress anything at this point. Bills are worrisome of course because we went from two incomes down to one. But it will work out. One thing I have to say is God always provides. So I know we’ll be fine.

I had someone ask me if I was on medication. I laughed when asked. I said “no I’m just living a drama free life”. Which means not fighting with the hubby or anyone else. I let shit drift. I suppose they asked because I used to be quite the live wire and had a hot temper.

My most urgent message is don’t stress the bullshit. Cut the drama mommas and the soul suckers out of your life. It’s not being uncaring towards others, it’s called valuing your health and well being.

I’m not one to meditate or do yoga, but do as I say and not as I do. Obviously I didn’t do this prior to getting this sick. If you’re able to, do yoga or meditate. Take “YOU” time. Rest and don’t worry about appeasing everyone. At the end of the day those people will be walking around healthy while you’re sitting home sick.

Had I done this I can’t say I wouldn’t have transitioned. I can say I wouldn’t be kicking myself for wasting time on the Bullshit.

Lance as well as my own children are grown and on their own. At this point Lance and I live a charmed life for the most part. We play golf when able. Hardly ever argue because we both understand how damaging this is to our health as well as to our marriage. We visit family when up to it. I think everyone understands because they know of my health issues. Regardless of what anyone thinks, we have to do whats good for us. We are in our somewhat golden years and plan on living many more happy, stress free years to come.

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I end this entry with, live a good life, a calm, stress free life. A chronic autoimmune disease is no joke. I spent my life stressing over other people. I am the poster child of what NOT to do when faced with a chronic illness. I can not impress this enough upon you: do NOT do as I did. Everyone will get over you not being super woman or man.

My circle is small(with the exception of my FB group) and its peaceful. /www.facebook.com/groups/SofakingsickandtiredofMS/

I’m proud to say the lesson is learned and life is so much more enjoyable now that I cut the nonsensical stuff out. Now I can play golf and chill when my body allows. Better days are coming for this gal even with progression of this illness. Life is still good and I am very blessed!

First and last dose of Gilenya

So There I sat at the dr’s office hooked up to a heart monitor. I was receiving my first dose of Gilenya and I was hopeful. I was hopeful not to have the ridiculous side effects I had with Aubagio.

Although Aubagio works well for some it didn’t for me. It’s an oral DMD which I was very happy about in the beginning. Not having to give myself injections was a wonderful thought. The side effects was so intense I didn’t feel it was worth what I was giving up. I was in even more severe pain and was depressed while taking that Med. To say my quality of life was made worse by that drug is an understatement. I am if anything a positive, happy, snarky little old gal. So I went back to Copaxone for a while. But with progressing to secondary progressive my neuro thought it was time for a change yet again. So I figured why not?

My neuro thought Gilenya might stave off some progression. I was game, I gave it a shot. Went in with a realistic view of things and figured eh I won’t know if I don’t try so what the hell?

They set me up in one of the rooms they do sleep studies in. It was a pretty nice set up. Comfy bed and cable TV. I was happy. My sweetie went and got breakfast from McDonald’s. Coffee and egg muffins. We never do McDonald’s but it was right next door so it was really convenient.

I’ve done so many DMD’s over the years it’s verging on ridiculous. With every different DMD I do and all the different side effects I feel like my body is being beaten to hell and back.

Lance and I sat there watching ID T.V, after all murder is always fun mid-morning. We was eating, laughing and watching tv. I was hooked up to a monitor and I knew they was on top of things. I felt like I was in good hands and my sweetie was there. Jake was going to come hangout for a couple of hours later in the day and David was working.

All of a sudden I had a flutter in my chest. I didn’t think much of it. Then the nurse pops her head in to ask if I was ok. I said yep I’m A-ok. She then said we got a reading I want to check so she hooked me up to another EKG and said hmmmm let me show this to dr.Barrio. I told her I did have some fluttering but didn’t think anything of it. I do sometimes get that feeling just not as intense. I’ve always just dismissed it as a palpitation.

This kept on several more times my Dr. came in and had me drink water and ran additional EKG’s. He explained to me that I will not be able to take Gilenya. He said I presented exactly what is NOT wanted when taking Gilenya. He then says after doing another EKG that I need to go to the hospital for additional monitoring because they’re not equipped to deal with a cardiac issue. The whole time he’s talking I’m thinking FUCK I HATE the hospital. But I’m compliant and got up and started to shuffle my crippled ass to the door of the observation room. He says no Mrs.King you have to be transported via EMS. Needless to say I was none too happy.

EMS gets there and loads me up and out the door we go. Big as shit on MLK blvd. for all the world to see. Alex being taken out on a stretcher. Not one of my finer moments in my opinion. Anyone that knows me,knows I’m a prideful woman. This part of things unnerved me more than anything.

We take the 5 min ride to the hospital while riding the Paramedic was able to start and IV and run another EKG. She was an impressive young lady. My hat was off to her. I complimented her on her skill while bumping around the back of a bus.

We get there I thank them and they put me in a room. I have to admit I was thankful I wasn’t left in the hall like at Gulf coast hospital last year. That was a true blue shit show.

Jake gets to the hospital as well as Lance. I called him only because I knew he was going to the dr office to hang with me during observation. Well he called David and got him worried. I admit I probably wouldn’t have called Jake had he not been coming to the dr’s office. I don’t like them getting worried and worry they do. They are as protective over their old momma as I am of them. Pretty sweet, but no reason to get everyone in a tizzy.

My Sissy was in a tail spin as well. But she’s a worrier ever since my Sissy Sylvia passed Trisha is on high alert. I get it, but I truly am pretty damn durable. I assured her I was fine and not to stress.

So I’m sitting there and the nurse finally comes in and greets Lance and I. She asked why I what was bothering me. I said nothing really and then gave her the low down on Dr.Barrio calling an ambulance for me because of my EKG. I then said I probably should be being monitored and an EKG given what just happened at the dr’s office. She lets me know real quick they was saving a life which was priority. I then shut my mouth and put things in perspective. I really felt like an ass after that, but she was a good heart and didn’t let my temporary ignorance interfere with getting me situated. We got to talking about my MS, turns out she has lupus since 2012. She got it she understood the struggle. She then told me how she was going to retire back when dx’d but had an issue with the pain meds and almost lost everything. That issue made her see how damaging sitting home doing nothing would be for her. She chose to redirect and continue working and being very careful with any meds she needed to take. This was impressive coming from a nurse. I appreciated her honesty.

She gets me all set up and leaves the room, when all of a sudden we hear an older woman screaming ” get the fuck away from me you mother fucking bitch” then responds a nurse saying “ma’am you have to calm down you’re not going to talk to me like that!” The old lady responds ” I’m fucking grown you’re not going to tell me what to do”. Lance and I look at each other and bust out laughing. I tell Lance “that’s what he has to look forward to when I’m elderly”. We had such a good laugh at that. It really lightened our mood.

Jake is in and out between my room and keeping company with his friend Brielle he had brought with him. They would only let two family members back. So he was in and out and trying to keep company with everyone. The ever lively life of the party as always. Briella was a sweetie for not being annoyed having to wait in the waiting area. I felt bad she was out there. It’s always the best and brightest of Bay county in that waiting room. Everything from meth heads to pill poppers hunting scripts to the mentally ill. It’s never pretty.

My room was a large room with a curtain down the middle with an area for another bed. So of course they brought a fella in while I was sitting there bare breasted getting an EKG. He couldn’t see because of the curtain, but it was unnerving still and all. His name was Dalton. Dalton was a talker, and a talker he was. He went on and on about his abscess in his butt cheek and how he had one under his scrotum last year to the nurses and dr. I was pure gagging when listening. Then he started talking about his Mrsa and gangrene he’s been through and how dr so and so had treated him in the past. Needless to say I was unnerved thinking how my immune system is already compromised and I really don’t want to contract anything while at the hospital.

I have to say I am not one to go to the hospital because of all the germ factors involved. But I got through. They asked after running several more EKG’s if I was ready to go? It was all I could do not to say fuck yeah I am. I got the hell out discussed all the crap we went through during the day and all of the mess I’ve been through over the years and decided I’m done with meds. The meds are way too hard on me. I’m tired of the ass kicking they give. So I’m going to deal with my MS on my terms. I’m going to rock this as best I can with good diet and exercise and hope and pray for the best.

I don’t encourage anyone not to take meds. If newly dx’d be sure to try to find what you can deal with and if it’s worth it for you. For me it’s been year upon year of headache and heartache. I’ve always been one to do as I want so I’m going to continue to do so. Between my strong faith and will and my family in my corner I’m going to live this mother Effer like a true G as my boys would say. Wish me luck😊 This gal is flipping the bird to the drug co’s until they come out with an actual cure. Not losing my positive silly ways just taking the best path for me:)